When the Truth Becomes Self Evident

It's been a while since I've been here. I stumbled into this quote and just loved it. I suppose, because, it has a huge application here...

As Upton Sinclair put it, “It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.”

If I substitute the word "salary" for "emotional survival" this quote becomes even more operative. Because, that in fact, is what prevents most people (at least those I work with) from having the life that they desire.

Let's suppose for an instant, that you acquired a belief that said, "All rich people suck. They exploit the working class." Is this always true? Of course not, and your hidden belief system would prevent and limit you from enjoying relationships with people whom qualify under your belief system as "rich."

Now let's bring this to a different level. Let's suppose that you are completely ego identified with being "smart." You have a belief system that says, "I am smarter than most people. I get better grades and I know things that others do not." So as you march that belief system into the world, you adamantly oppose anyone that does not agree with you. In your mind, you are vastly superior to those you mingle with. So you either choose to engage or disengage with them based on some foolish belief system that is fragile and simply not true. I mean if you are "smarter" tha everyone else, aren't you always right? How could anyone possible disagree with me? You decide whether you like people or dislike people based on nothing other than "whether they agree with you or not."

That is insane. It is that type of insanity that I sought to remove when I began this blog. Why? Because it prevents me from loving all types of people.

Emotional freedom means including all people and celebrating differences. It is perfectly ok to do this. But if I am completely ego identified with being smarter than you, how can I possibly love you if you disagree with me? Or worse yet, what if I suspect that in fact- you may be smarter than me? Might I not fear you? Would my ego fear you? Of course it would.

And we know fear is the basis for all negative emotions. If we fear something we inherently dislike it, perhaps hate it. Divorce, bankruptcy, death.

Therefore, emotionally insecure people fear a lot of things. They fear those who do not agree with them and those silly and secret belief systems that they have acquired. And in the end, their emotional survival and thus successful relationships hinge almost entirely on Sinclair's quote. Let me re-write it Upton, I sincerely apologize.

It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his emotional survival depends upon his not understanding it.

A Spiritual Solution

What do Zoloft, Paxil, Prozac, and Celexa have in common? In fact, what do all of these mood altering substances have in common? Two thirds of all these substances are consumed right here in the United States.

(This piece is going to be a little long. I am hoping it is well worth your time.)

That number absolutely shocks me. So much so, that I think we can draw a couple of inferences and so help me- an assumption or two.

I think it's a safe bet to say that mood altering substances are over prescribed. And bear in mind other mood altering substances are available. Beer, wine, and liquor. Pot and other illegal narcotics. So what is the problem?

We are in the midst of a pandemic. A widespread pandemic wherein our society believes that the only solution for our mental problems are drugs. And while I can't deny that there are people sufficiently depressed, people who benefit from their effects, I also can't deny the obvious. Most of these people have no spiritual solution for depression. None. If they did, the consumption of mood altering substances would not be so glaring or so widespread.

So what happened to us? Why can't we find better methods of managing depression?

Quite frankly, we have lost our way. We have become a nation of self absorbed human beings without a spiritual connection to our communities and to our fellow men. We are divided. Exclusive. Special, according to our loved ones. And we have been marketed a panacea to cure our problems by a medical industry that needs to sell alcohol and drugs to grow profits. Capitalism. And our doctors, those that we trust, are complicit. They are the conduit through which drug companies can legitimately convince us that we need to buy their products. And we do.

I don't use mind altering substances any more. A couple of weeks ago, I went through a fairly severe bout of depression. It simply didn't leave. Ultimately I saw my doctor for the results of a blood panel and discussed some of my symptoms. Part of that discussion focused on my depression. As my doctor asked me about suicidal thoughts, I said that they didn't exist. Unconvinced, she offered up the possibility of an anti-depressant. Hours later, it dawned on me that suicide was a perfect excuse for over prescribing medication. I mean, what doctor wants to live with the thought that they mis- diagnosed a suicide? Or worse yet, get sued by a family of a suicide victim? That fear is real.

And it dawned on me that doctors have consumed the kool-aid. They are motivated to over prescribe these medications rather than be burdened by the potential death of a patient. They might not be the villains, the drug pushers or marketers, that I have always thought that they were.

So what changed over the years? How did we survive for so many years without mood altering substances?

We had a spiritual solution. We believed in a power greater than ourselves, some call that God. And we believed in each other. We didn't work so hard to separate ourselves from each other or our core values. What's wrong with us that we must label ourselves "special?" What's wrong with a common thread, a humility and ego that doesn't need to be better than others? In our society today, without a spiritual solution, you may think taking that prescription from a trusted doctor makes a lot of sense. A quick and easy cure.

It's not. Overcoming life's hurdles, even those associated with death, can be managed with a spiritual life and an intuitive belief in something greater than ourselves. We can accept death, even our own. We are so arrogant and terminally unique. Thinking that we know everything and desperately trying to find chemical solutions to our problems when we can't think our way out of an emotional logjam.

We practice contempt prior to investigation. We believe in drugs, but we can't believe in God. And with those miniscule minds that we possess, those depressed minds, we alone think we were blessed with the answers and if we can't find them...they must not exist. Nobody could possibly tell us something we don't already know.

Could they?

Armor for the Soul

Can you eliminate all anger? Perhaps not, but you can come awfully close.

I am going to illustrate the insanity that is anger using road rage as the conduit. Road rage is almost always exclusively anonymous- at least initially- and generally it comes about almost always, unexpectedly.

Years ago, I was following two cars while riding on my motorcycle. We were approaching a very narrow bridge at about 60 MPH. Suddenly, the pickup truck directly in front of me started to pass the car in front of it, just prior to the bridge. At about that same time, an oncoming commercial truck came into view in the southbound lane. What unfolded in the next three seconds was almost unbelievable. Trapped by the concrete walls of the bridge, the passing pickup had no choice but to floor it. The car he was passing slammed on the brakes and started smoking tires. I was grabbing all the brakes that I could but anyone that rides motorcycles knows that stopping time on a bike compared to a 4 wheeled vehicle is very difficult. The pickup completed the pass, the commercial truck got to the shoulder and I very narrowly avoided slamming into the rear of the car ahead of me. I was so enraged at the completely insane pass, that I followed the pickup driver 40 miles to his house, knocked on his door, and chewed his rear up one side and down the other. Dangerous, to say the least. But then, I thought I was entitled to anger.

Over the years, I probably "refereed" well over 100 road rage incidents. Absolute insanity.

So what emotional precursors must exist in order for full blown road rage to achieve maximum intensity?

The "victim" driver must always take the incident personally. They perceive someone else's driving as so self centered, callous, and stupid that it jeopardizes their safety or life. Lives of their loved ones. Perhaps it simply hinders or impedes them. But make no mistake about it, "victim" drivers always see themselves as victims.

Many people are simply unconscious. They drive like they live their lives, completely self absorbed and unconscious, concerned only with their needs and rarely do they show courtesy to others. I accept that those folks dwell amongst us. I also accept that these drivers are going to cross my path. I expect them. I also refuse to be victimized emotionally by their actions, knowing full well that these self absorbed individuals are simply living their lives. And if I allow them to anger me, they can ruin hours or even a whole day as I dwell on the incident. I cannot be happy allowing someone like that in my head. I give them no free space.

By emotionally risk managing myself in advance, and by refusing to accept my "victim" status when harrowing incidents do occur, I've been able to deal quite effectively at eliminating my anger.

It was put to the test yesterday, when a gal rolled up to a stop sign, looked my way, and pulled out in front of me- with less than 100 feet between us. As I geared down, hit my brakes, and switched lanes in a 35 MPH zone, I passed her. She was texting. I am not talking texting on the interstate- I am talking about texting in heavy traffic with signs and lights while cornering and running stop signs. To my credit, I was hardly annoyed. These unconscious and inexperienced drivers dwell amongst us. I know this. I had nearly forgotten about her by the time we reached the next traffic signal.

Family members cause us the greatest angst. Your ability to risk manage their hostile intentions well in advance- is your greatest asset. Family can say some of the nastiest and most diminishing things you will ever hear. Some will even tell you that they did it out of "love." Those attacks never come from love. They always come from fear and self centered ness.

By knowing and anticipating those people in your life who may cause you negative emotions, whether it is attack speech, diminishing or caustic speech, or unconscious texters operating motor vehicles...just let them behave as insanely as they want to. You can't do anything about their behavior anyway. All you can do is accept that such people exist, unconscious, fearful, and selfish...whether they exhibit that at a family barbeque or turning a corner while texting. And while you cannot control them- you can control whether they will impact you negatively or not.

Emotional freedom is armor for the soul.

This Is Kinda Interesting...

What Can You Learn From A Racehorse?

I loved Coronado's Quest. He was a spectacular racehorse. A casual glance at him told you nothing. What was he really like and what can you learn from a horse? As it turns out, Coronado's Quest was a guidepost for me. A horse that pointed to the solution.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coronado%27s_Quest

Coronado's Quest was a bad actor. He simply didn't like human beings nor did he trust them. His behavior was fantastically predictable. In fact, I won 20 bucks betting a friend that he would throw the jock off before entering the race gate one day. My friend was astonished. But I had seen this horse in action before.

D. Wayne Lucas, famous trainer, offered up the best explanation for his behavior. Coronado's Quest had received poor imprinting as a youngster. And whatever that was exactly, we will never know. The horse just didn't like humans. And he wasn't above biting them either.

The same cause and effect occurs in human beings. Poorly imprinted youngsters become unruly teenagers and sometimes criminals. When their rebellious ways fail to work for them, often they turn to alcohol and drugs. And you can be certain of one thing. Every addict and alcoholic I know hates authority. Not unlike Coronado's Quest hated jockeys.

The difference between Coronado's Quest and an allegedly highly evolved human brain might mean that we could correct this. But in fact, that is often not true. Just as Coronado's Quest was subject to a fear driven belief system that he accepted as true, so too is an addict or alcoholic. They both acquire belief systems that they cling to for the rest of their lives. Please be reminded that I am using alcoholics and addicts as examples here. All human beings are subject to the same imprinting, and not unlike animals, we are taught using basic reward and punishment themes. Therefore, some folks, quite sober, are some of the most spiritually unfit people I have met.

The problem with Coronado's Quest is that he simply didn't have the motivation nor the capacity to effect a change. And certainly, the reward his owners got was far greater than anything he might have received. So why bother?

The answer to the incredibly high recidivism and relapse rate among addicts, alcoholics, criminals, and prison inmates- and the same thing can be said about the majority of folks in this country- is that they were poorly imprinted. Unconscious, like Coronado's Quest, they simply don't know there is a better way to live. They simply go about their lives in some unconscious fashion, catering to their fears and self centered belief systems, hurting and damaging others along the way. They believe this is normal because they have never been exposed to anything better. And lacking the motivation or capacity to change, they don't.

There is a solution.

What It Means To Be An Atheist on Good Friday

It is Good Friday. Today is the day Jesus was executed by men. Unconscious and fear driven men. And as Jesus' life slowly faded away, he asked God for love and forgiveness for the very men carrying out that atrocious act. The message was unconditional love even for unconscious murderers.

Atheists have a hard time with that. Good Friday means nothing to them. There is a perfectly rational explanation for all of that. A loving explanation.

You see, I love atheists. That is made possible because I don't fear them. I love murderers, sex offenders, thieves. I can do this because I don't fear them. You cannot love what you fear. All negative emotion begins with fear. And that is an absolute. Think about that for a moment.

You see Christians and Atheists each have an opinion. A belief. Each adamantly believes they are right. And just as Christians fear Atheists, Atheists fear Christians. Consumed with their beliefs and fervently believing that they are right, Christians absolutely refuse to consider the possibility that Atheists might be right. Atheists refuse to consider that Christians might be right. And so in the insanity that is this planet, both sides fear each other and thus flows ill will and hatred.

It is the Christians who have lost their way. Many Christians fear. Because they fear, they cannot love. If you cannot love you cannot unconditionally love. Had Christians been walking the fearless, unconditional and loving path all these years, they might very well have set an example for the Atheists. The Atheists might have scratched their head and said something like...

"Man- we have been hating on those idiot Christians all these years and yet they love us in return. That doesn't make sense. Aren't they supposed to hate us back? Don't they fear us?" Maybe they know something....

A few months back, I got in a back and forth with Dudley Sharp over the death penalty in the Sister Prejean piece on this blog. Dudley is a huge proponent of the death penalty. You see, Dudley fears murderers. Because he fears them, he has no capacity to love them. He practices hate and then colors it, justifies it, and rationalizes it- just as Christians and Atheists do when trying to sell their beliefs. The same hatred and animosity, all borne in fear, occur everywhere. People arguing, fighting, and hating. Abortion, death penalty, terrorists, child molesters, religions, ethnicity, war. Righteous fear we think, justifies our positions.

All I can do with a guy like Dudley is respect him and love him. I can do this because I don't fear him. It is ok to be Dudley Sharp and have his beliefs. I am fine with that.

The message that day, that Good Friday so many years ago, was unconditional love. Jesus did not fear death therefore he could embrace it. Instead of pity, self will, anger, and hatred...he was busy loving the guys that were killing him. Completely conscious, completely rational, and certainly not of this world. And so dying was not something to be feared. It was kind of God's moment of "show and tell."

The most fearless man to ever walk this planet, died today. He came here to teach us something. Love is letting go of fear. Unconditional love is removing all fear. That's why Good Friday doesn't mean too much to an Atheist and I am perfectly fine with that. I accept and I understand.

The Best Leaders Have the Smallest Egos

Earlier this week, I asked myself, "why is it that people with power and authority tend to be so toxic as leaders?"

I noted some common denominators. This is something it has taken me 35 years to compile.

Very often, many of the people who cannot work for others tend to covet positions of authority. Believing that they are superior-they find the means to obtain power and authority. Perhaps this means switching jobs, creating businesses of their own. Often they employ dirty tactics from "brown nosing" the boss or pointing out the flaws in others. Sometimes, they actually present themselves as great employees-constantly telling you in some subliminal fashion how good they are, hoping that their listeners agree. Very often, that act alone is successful. And thus they eventually find some fiefdom or niche with which to lord over.

All of this madness is of course, a function of ego. In fact- ego destroys the ability to lead effectively.

Years ago, I was introduced to the works and writings of Stephen Covey. I became a huge fan. Covey's leadership studies and models are excellent. Yet, I have seen very little of his works in actual practice. I'm not talking about pieces here and there. I am talking about somebody that has accepted Covey's teachings and committed to putting them all in to practice.

Smart man that he is, his works fail. It's not that Covey hasn't identified excellent characteristics in leadership, the problem is that his principles fail at implementation. People simply cannot or will not accept them. And why that is, is no longer a mystery to me.

It is and always will be a function of that false sense of self that people have about themselves, their fear driven egos. They simply refuse to accept that their opinion or belief about any given situation simply won't work for them. Thus they cater to the imagined fear that they are unique. Once an ego has established a belief, it is almost impossible for most to recognize it, let alone change it. Ego driven people are willing to argue ad nauseum about the most ridiculous and harmless points. Or given an obviously faulty or poor thought process they might say, "It doesn't matter whether I am right or wrong, I am the boss and you will do it my way."

That is sad. Bad bosses tend to always choose right over happy. They get to live with those choices.

And as those unconscious and ego driven souls go about their business, they treat others insensitively and with little compassion. Self absorbed and believing that they alone were conveyed to the top of the food chain because they are special or gifted, they impose their will on others. Some of the worst are demeaning and belittling. Lording over their workforce hostages. Willing to punish and sometimes publicly humiliate those that would dare disagree with them.

They become toxic. They are only minimally effective. As their inadequacies get exposed, they cling to fear and become more and more punishing as they try to hang on to the last vestiges of authority. Until it all ends badly for them.

I have seen many forms of ego in the workplace. At all levels. Nice guys do finish last. They don't covet power and authority and very often, they shun it. Nice guys don't treat others badly nor do they hurt people's feelings. All of those human traits that we hold in high esteem are evident in the best people. Compassion, understanding, tolerance, forgiveness. And every once in awhile, one of those types sneaks in as a boss.

If Covey could ever figure out a way of forcing leaders to expose their unconscious egos then his books would have a chance at making a significant impact. Absent that small miracle, it will be business as usual. Until then, those principles of leadership will remain fairy tales.