Search This Blog

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Are We Here To Change The World or Are We Here To Let the World Change Us?

Tolle said that ego could never be removed. That it simply changes form. I am living proof of that.

The reason I like writing here is because this blog is the solution for unconsciousness. I seek awareness here. Why do I have the feelings I do and if they are negative feelings- can I process them quickly and stay emotionally healthy?


What is it about human ego, particularly grossly inflated egos, that causes what otherwise might be very intelligent people- into becoming emotionally self absorbed and unconscious people? Very often, it may be the absence of intrapersonal intelligence.

I know quite a few people who possess large degrees of the other types of intelligence- but possess little or no intrapersonal intelligence. They feel emotions but they cannot readily identify or process them. They have no  means to really dispose of those feelings. Having no capacity for that, they don't understand those of us who do.

In other words, how can a human being that has been taught the planetary and universal rule that "cheating" (as it applies to intimate relationships) is bad- accept people in their lives who cheat on them? And be ok with it? Who does that? Isn't everyone required to feel the pain and hurt?

The answer to that is no. There is no requirement to feel bad when someone cheats on us. Even though our teachers have taught us that this is normal. There are people who will never understand this. They have made an agreement. A faulty agreement that says when someone cheats on us- we are supposed to take that personally. We have been betrayed. And that worthless agreement we have made will most certainly doom us to some future emotional prison. I watched my very own mother dwell in that prison for years. In fact, I am not sure she has escaped from Alcatraz yet. And although my mother is sufficiently intelligent in a number of areas, I do not believe my mother is capable of the intrapersonal intelligence that it takes to escape all of those bad feelings that somehow my father's actions had something to do with her. She will never process those feelings in any kind of healthy way.

Ego, this false sense of self that we all have, is the single biggest barrier there is to happiness. Ego is successful in blocking happiness because it operates in the darkness. The subconscious. Mostly, we are not aware of it. It tells us that we must pretend to be extremely intelligent, flashy, successful, better than and certainly not less than...others. We must project whatever false opinion we have of ourselves onto the people around us. They in turn project their false sense of selves onto us.

And that is why Vonnegut says "We are who we pretend to be." Or Shakespeare's, "All the worlds a stage and the men and women- merely players." Clearly both of those men identified that false sense of self that humans possess. They were aware of it- what did they do about it? Anything?

I think they have identified nine different types of intelligences. I don't possess enough of four them to even decorate my house or pass a math class without an army of tutors. I understand all of that now and I am ok with it. For the first time in my life, I am completely comfortable in my own skin. I don't have to be faster, smarter, wiser, richer, than you. In fact, all I want to be is happy. And my happiness does not require me to be better than anyone or possess a bunch of worthless crap. Tolle was right. My ego has changed. From a competitive, nasty, I am better than you... false sense of an ego that has morphed into something that just wants to be happy.

I used to think I was here to change the world, now I realize I had it all backwards.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Telling It Like It Is

In response to my blog, "Do Some People Simply Enjoy Being Negative? The Shame and Guilt Cycle"... I received the following comment: Anonymous said...I'm negative, I'm highly critical. It's not because of a guilt, shame, criticism cycle. I have a hard time looking on the bright side and i want everyone to feel as miserable as i do. I'm slightly guilty, but i don't feel shame. I'm shameless.

I cannot tell you how happy I was to see this comment. Not only could I have written that very comment myself in 2007, but I had always hoped that this blog could turn into a type of personal online support vehicle. I believe anonymous' comment to be honest and sincere.
In 2007, I was in a terrible state of depression. I was drinking too much, daily and heavily, and I hid my depression as much as possible when I wasn't drinking- but it began to leak through. I was incredibly critical of my real and perceived adversaries- this is not to say that I was wrong about them. Very often, my judgments and conclusions about them were dead on and correct. Had you asked me at that time, I would have told you I was a realist. I would have told you that my "insightful and intelligent" observations did not have a damn thing to do with shame and guilt- which was not entirely true. I am also ashamed to say- that I actually enjoyed being that way. Critical, depressed, and running other people down to make myself feel better. I did not feel any guilt or shame (at that time) because I believed those opinions to be true. I did not feel any shame until I became aware.

I did not realize how spiritually sick I had become. This blog really chronicles what happened to me, my observations, and how I was able to fix myself. I could do that for two reasons. I knew for sure that what I was doing was not working. I became willing to find any way that would work.

The first thing I did was quit drinking. I attended AA and I read the book cover to cover. Alcoholics Anonymous is a spiritual program that is a living design. I paid attention. I desperately wanted to get well. During that time, I was given a copy of the "Four Agreements." That book was absolutely critical to my emotional makeover. Particularly important was agreement two. To this day, I do not let anything anybody says or does, effect me personally. I let people be just as crazy as they want to be and I'll be damned if I lift one finger to change that. I don't. If someone has upset me to the extent that I am required to make some sort of take it or leave it decision- I do that. I harbor no ill will and I go peacefully without explanation.
Tolle's, "A New Earth" sealed my resurrection. I felt as though Tolle wrote that book about me. I was completely insane, allowing my ego to absolutely run and then later, ruin my life. I am not my ego. For the first time in my life, I became aware of my false sense of self. My ego. I separated myself from ego and all that takes is awareness. That's it.  I read a great quote from Kurt Vonnegut once. "We are who we pretend to be."
I put together a design for living that works. Of the nine types of intelligence, it doesn't hurt that I score highest in intrapersonal intelligence. I am keenly aware of my emotions and now I am able to process them rapidly, internally, and constructively.
So let's get back to anonymous' comment. The shame and guilt cycle is handed down for generations. Constant criticism, judgments, and conclusions directed at children- become the tools of those children. Parents deliver those tools. Not only will their children likely pick those tools up later in life- but they will direct the same criticisms, judgments, and conclusions at their children and the people they interact with. They believe that type of behavior is true and acceptable. And so they engage in it and perpetuate it. People that are critical of others are often intelligent. Their belief systems are bolstered by reinforcing that intelligence via grades, awards, work accomplishments, and inter actions with others. They begin to believe they are smarter than many. And they may be.

When we talk about the shame and guilt cycle- those emotions are given to us. They result from someone elses's perception of us. Mostly parents. My father was shameless while delivering criticism to others which he did frequently. Therefore, I too, was shameless when delivering criticism of others. Did I want others to feel as miserable as me? Well, sure...I want them to agree with me and that way we could both be miserable. And we were.
What happened to me was a miracle. I found a permanent way out of all those negative emotions. Prior to that- I would have simply said- this is who I am. I have no choice in the matter. I am screwed, hopeless. That is perhaps the greatest lie of all. I now know that all of those belief systems were wrong. In order to get well, I had to develop a road map and a solution for everything that life throws at you. Can you prepare for death, disability and disfigurement, illness, divorce, loss? Sure. Can you eliminate self pity, anger, bad belief systems, lack of self esteem? Sure. 
Here's why this design works. It's like installing an entirely new operating system where every decision defaults to the decision that will make you happy. That doesn't mean the system can't crash from time to time- but it is rare.
Life offers us a myriad of choices all of the time. Often we practice contempt prior to investigation. We make choices thinking that there are no alternatives. Surely we would have found a way out, wouldn't we? Today I look on the bright side because it's all bright side. Four years ago- I would have thought anybody writing what I've written here- was full of shit. That's the truth. That's my ego telling me I am smarter than anyone else, practicing contempt prior to investigation.
All that, for that? Yes. Thanks anonymous.


Deus Ex Machina, (Mah-kee-na)

A deus ex machina (play /ˈd.əs ɛks ˈmɑːknə/ or /ˈdəs ɛks ˈmækɨnə/ day-əs eks mah-kee-nə;[1] Latin: "god out of the machine"; plural: dei ex machina) is a plot device whereby a seemingly inextricable problem is suddenly and abruptly solved with the contrived and unexpected intervention of some new event, character, ability, or object.

So today's question is an interesting one. Can a God of your understanding solve your emotional problems?

Very often, in the circles I travel, I hear people say they have turned their will and their lives over to the care of God as they understand him. Ok, I think. Time and time again these people state hence believe, God solves their problems. They simply get out of the way. They refuse to exercise free will and it all works out. That is the claim.

Here is an interesting question. If free will causes problems, can free will also solve problems? Of course it can. In fact, that might indeed- be the whole point of the exercise. Can life resolve itself constructively using free will without invoking God? Yes, I think so.

Deus ex machina refers to the inability of mankind to find a solution to an inextricable problem until something new is introduced to the equation. In fact, this is how all problems are eventually solved. Emotional problems are no different. If you are experiencing emotional problems, you cannot find the solution for "x" until you try something new.

Today, I understand that my God does not solve my problems for me. There would be no struggle, no lessons to be learned, no personal growth nor evolution if God simply did all of those things for me. My God is a facilitator. It is that immense pain, the gift of desperation that caused me to seek a solution. Today, it matters not, whether that was solved or facilitated by God or a deus ex machina, myself, or a combination thereof. What matters is that it works. Flayed and scarred badly enough, we find a solution for x. I am extremely grateful. This is how Nietzsche saw it.

Now, once tragedy had lost the genius of music, tragedy in the strictest sense was dead: for where was that metaphysical consolation now to be found? Hence an earthly resolution for tragic dissonance was sought; the hero, having been adequately tormented by fate, won his well-earned reward in a stately marriage and tokens of divine honour. The hero had become a gladiator, granted freedom once he had been satisfactorily flayed and scarred. Metaphysical consolation had been ousted by the deus ex machina.
—Friedrich Nietzsche

Monday, September 5, 2011

Can You Be Happy Every Day For The Rest of Your Life? Of Course You Can- It's a Conscious or Unconscious Choice That You Will Make

However, if you don't have a solution for everything that life throws at you each day- you probably cannot maintain happiness in any kind of long term or consistent way.

Imagine being given a unique wish. You get to choose. You are guaranteed one of the following things but not any of the others. Would you want to be beautiful, famous, rich, or happy?

I am one of those people who picked happy.

I can't tell you how to become beautiful. I don't know a damn thing about being famous and I don't ever want to know. I don't want to be rich because all of that money comes with great responsibility and angst over losing it. I know a little something about that. But happy. Now that's interesting. I know a little bit about happy because I knew his evil twin- unhappy.

In 2007, I was the most unhappy and depressed person on the planet. I was spiritually sick. My life got so bad that ultimately, I was given the gift of desperation. I was suicidal, too cowardly to pull the trigger.

I want to tell you how significant the gift of desperation is. Without that utter despair and loneliness- loneliness like no other loneliness I have ever known- I could not have gotten better. In fact, I would have been stuck in that ethereal plane between unconsciousness and consciousness forever. I believe that is where the vast majority of all humanity dwells. In a state of unconsciousness. Some are given the gift of desperation and many actually kill themselves believing that life is just some vicious or cruel hoax. Others just walk about rare earth, angry and depressed, living quiet lives of desperation. Did they get shorted in the emotional equipment line? What happened to them and why didn't that happen to me?

Why was I given the road map to happiness and just who can I give that to? The brightest minds in the world couldn't fix me. Those bright minds hand out prescriptions for psychotropic medications and boot people out of the office week after week. They make gobs of money but don't effect one significant change. They know they aren't really helping anybody- because they don't even know what ails them. The unconscious cannot treat the unconscious. They don't teach spirituality and the solution in college. They don't know what it is. So how was it that an untrained, unskilled, dumb ass like me figured out one of life's greatest mysteries? How did I find happiness every day and how do I manage to keep it everyday?

And how do I describe this without coming off like some lunatic, smug guy?

I started with one question. Can I unconditionally love anyone or everyone that I choose? And if I choose to do this- and stick to that task- can I change who and what I am? Can I change all of the antiquated belief systems that were installed by my teachers and can I install entirely different and useful belief systems?

Of course I could. I knew what didn't work. That was everything I had been doing up until 2007. I simply had to do the opposite of what I had been doing. Mostly. I did manage to get a few things right.

What if I told you that I once heard a gal state that if you have nothing useful to do, nobody to love, and nothing to look forward to- chances are you will be depressed. What if I told you that not only do I believe that statement to be generally true as defined in 2008- but that now I can have all three of those things at once and they do not affect my happiness. I have found the solution for x. I don't have to be doing anything "useful" (as defined in old beliefs) to be happy. I don't have to be in love to love everyone and I find something to look forward to every day. It can be any number of things- simple acts, in and of themselves- acts that the unconscious don't even recognize. Today, I was happy to mow the lawn, take out the trash, wash my motorcycle. To write this piece. I relish every moment. I feel absolutely no guilt (old beliefs again) if I do nothing all day but watch football. Guilt is no longer a part of my chemistry. I have eliminated it. I have exorcised that negative emotion along with a number of other demons.

I suppose some people have found the solutions for beauty, wealth, and fame. I haven't. But I did find the solution for happiness and I know what it is. If you are not consistently happy nearly all of the time and I mean 99% of the time, you do not have the solution. You may be wandering in that ethereal plane between desperation and ok. You may spend your lifetime there and never receive the gift of desperation.

What happened to me was divine intervention. It had to be. Of myself, I am just a knucklehead- completely incapable of finding a solution like this. I know that. Millions of people, perhaps billions of people, have failed to find happiness. People a lot brighter than me. Maybe one day- I can find one person to give this to. That would be nice.