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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

You Will Find Peace

I have touched on some of the ways to manage your negative emotions. It is time to talk about the benefits and fruits of managing your emotions.

Kindness attracts kindness. Rarely have I seen a kind person belittled or attacked. It just doesn't happen all that often. Perhaps randomly, by a stranger. Maybe a drunk at a party. It is actually quite rare to see a kind person under attack. In fact, other people will often rally to help a kind person who finds themselves under those circumstances. Attacks come from everywhere but very often, the worst attacks come from those in our inner circles.

Kind people come in two varieties. Some tend to be shy and superficial. They simply don't like confrontations and because they fear confrontations or insensitive speech, they shy away from it. They never launch an attack or even a counterattack in open company. They might criticize another human being to their best friends in some whispered way, but they rarely risk the results of a confrontation in a public way. Their efforts at being kind then, are actually a result of the fear they feel. That's what drives their kindness. This is actually fairly common.

Emotionally free and kind people are not driven by fear. They are kind because they understand. They are consciously aware of the people around them. They understand that they will come under attack from time to time. They never launch attacks because their ego does not require it and they are intuitively kind. When attacked, they never launch a counterattack because they simply don't take any attack personally. They let people be who they are and sometimes those people will be fear driven attack minded people. They are prepared for this. They know this and accept it.

My favorite metaphor for this type of behavior is the torpedo launch. As an unconscious human being, when an attacker sent a torpedo at me, I used to send two torpedoes back at them. I never let an attack go without launching a counter attack. Even cleverly designed or contrived attacks. Emotionally free people don't launch torpedoes. When they see a torpedo coming their way, they simply watch it go by as they steer clear of it. They don't fire back because they don't need torpedoes. They let people be just as crazy as they want to be. They are in control of their egos. Crazy attack minded people are just unconscious, fearful, and ego driven. That has nothing to do with us. We are not required to engage in their brand of craziness.

Recently, I was talking to a young man who found himself in a similar situation. He was under attack from a variety of sources because he is not kind. He is drawing the fire of several people. As he engaged in that one up, counterattack philosophy of his, he simply could not find a solution. He was angry, hostile, worried about some of the things he had said, and all of this is living in his head. He feels frustration. His ego screams out that he is right and yet it is he who is not sleeping, it is he who will be out of a job soon. It is he who will pay the price.

Would you rather be happy or right?

He simply doesn't understand that the biggest problem in his life is him. And with all the love that I could muster, I told him what he needed to hear, not what he wanted to hear.

Accept your role in your situation. Quit fighting and trying to control and influence others. Let people be who they are and focus on the solution. Fix you and the way you see the world and your current adversaries and let those torpedoes slide by. Let them be who they are. Try to love those who would diminish you. They are unconscious. Try something different. And by all means, get some sleep tonight. Follow the blueprint and you will find peace.