A few years ago, I was introduced to the topic of diminishing behavior. Contextually speaking, I was astounded. Astounded not because I know that people love to cast blame on others and wallow in self pity but that some folks clearly believe that to be true. That others diminish them accidentally or deliberately.
Let me make something perfectly clear. No person, other than yourself, can make you feel diminished. In spiritually correct people, it is impossible to perceive any external behavior and accept that as diminishing. Regardless of the source. For a couple of reasons.
Is it possible for spiritually correct people to diminish others? Of course. We have no control over the thoughts, actions, and behaviors of others.
Therein lies the dilemma. In a way, it is preposterous.
Imagine if you will, Jesus Christ or the Dalai Lama, teaching others spirituality. Some of the students, as they listen and comprehend what the Dalai Lama teaches, become offended. They internally realize that they have acted selfishly or contrary to the Dalai Lama's teachings. They feel victimized or less than. They feel diminished.
Does the Dalai Lama have any control over that even if he chooses his words wisely? No.
Should he simply not talk of anything, or vaguely or imprecisely, for fear that he might diminish someone?
This idea that someone can diminish us is insane. In order for that to occur, at least four ideas in varying degrees must exist inside our belief systems and ego.
1. We have taken an inferior position. We have granted intellectual power or superiority to another.
2. We have accepted a victim role.
3. We are unwilling to accept the message because we are incapable of internal rigorous honesty.
4. We have made an assumption about the speakers intent and believing that assumption to be true, we have taken it personally. We feel diminished.
An example might go something like this. A neighbor greets you on the street and you stop to chat. During the course of your conversation, the neighbor begins to tell you about her recent trip to Europe. She describes all of the places she went to, the things she did, the great food and wine she had, and even all the money she spent. As she does this a thought creeps into your mind. It dawns on you that you would like to do all of these things yourself. But you simply lack the time and money. You begin to feel jealous, you feel inferior. You may even feel that she thinks of herself as better than you. You are incapable of being honest about these misplaced feelings. You begin to assume that the only reason she is telling you this, is to diminish you. Perhaps you even tell a friend and she agrees with you.
You have chosen to believe her conversation was diminishing when it all likelihood- it was not. In fact, the "diminished" party can actually become the aggressor or accuser.
For spiritually correct people, such an encounter is not possible. We don't take an inferior or superior role to another person. Therefore, there is no need for unbalanced power. We reject victim roles because we do not blame others nor wallow in self pity. If we feel negative thoughts we apply rigorous honesty to our emotions and expose the reasons for that. Spiritually sound people cannot make assumptions nor take anything personally. We simply let people be who they are. In that way, whether it is the Dalai Lama, or an excited Mrs. Jones from up the street, we learn from, we love them, and we enjoy them.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Eppur Si Muove
I'd like to introduce this piece as an add-on to my prior piece, Intuitive Truth. First lets start with a phrase attributed to Galileo although there is no factual evidence that he uttered it.
The Italian phrase "Eppur si muove" means And yet it moves (Nonetheless, it moves). It is pronounced [epˈpur si ˈmwɔːve].
Legend has it that the Italian mathematician, physicist and philosopher Galileo Galilei muttered this phrase after being forced to recant in 1633, before the Inquisition, his belief that the Earth moves around the Sun.
It is occasionally used in modern speech to indicate that although publicly someone who is in a knowledgeable position may discount or deny something, that does not stop it from being true.
Galileo had become the target of the Catholic Church. He believed the earth revolved around the sun rather than the other way around. His views were seen as heresy by the church. Had he not recanted his view, Galileo would have been sentenced to prison. When he did recant, he was spared prison and sentenced to house arrest until his death 12 years later.
All of that insanity did not change one thing. Years later, Galileo was proven correct. The Church never uttered an apology nor would an apology have made a bit of difference. No matter how hard the church tried, they simply could not make the sun revolve around the earth.
Truth has power. It can't be bent. In the end, it is always self evident. That Galileo found the truth earlier than his peers, left him in the precarious position of one against many. Isolated.
What do we do when we find ourselves in the precarious position of knowing something, yet to utter it, will certainly wreak accusations and hostility?
I had a wise old guy tell me once, "Son just because you know something, doesn't mean you are required to tell anyone." So what do we do when we intuitively know something is wrong or people we know are untruthful? It depends on what is at stake. Very often, I just let people tell me things that I know to be untruthful. The stakes are simply not high enough nor do I want to embarrass people.
Yet, as the stakes increase, we may find ourselves in a position where the truth becomes overwhelming. We simply can no longer accept untruths because it is robbing ourselves of the opportunity to make informed decisions. When someone deceives us, we unconsciously feel victimized. We feel diminished. Our sense of fair play has been violated.
And very often the selfish needs of others impact us. When they impact us to the point of feeling helpless- perhaps diminished or of little value, we must practice acceptance and limit our losses. This is what Galileo did.
He accepted that the church was too formidable of an adversary. He recognized the inherent power that the church had and it's willingness to punish him. Lacking the facts to defend himself, Galileo did the only thing that made sense. He limited his losses. He capitulated and thus enriched our lives although under house arrest. In the end, he did the only thing that made any sense. And the planets cared not who was right.
And yet it moves.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Intuitive Truth
Many years ago, I read a parable. In fact that parable, or metaphor, became the focus of my life. I'd heard it before. Perhaps, I wasn't ready when I first read or heard it. Perhaps I believed in that artificial and superficial definition of wanting- that some of us think is happiness. Maybe I just didn't realize the context or the circumstances with which you judge happiness. Maybe I thought happiness wasn't even a priority. It is simple. You must do what makes you happy.
Perhaps at 24 or 34, I didn't realize that. Maybe I was too busy, or too insane. Perhaps I bought into some belief system that we must endure a certain amount of emotional pain in the workplace or in relationships. Somewhere, around 44, I read something that put it all into context.
That each of us is our own Messiah. That we are free to live our lives doing that which makes us happy. That at any time, if we ask ourselves that intuitive question "am I happy?", then we will know the answer. And if you hesitate or balk at that question, you already have your answer.
To become happy again, often means conquering fear. You can't wait for a Messiah to rescue you. And you can't let fear imprison you. And you can't let the fear of failure, or the responsibility you may leave behind, stop you. So it was- that my Messiah, who had healed thousands and grew weary of the throngs of sick and scared people that followed him, found his God and asked him. God told the Messiah, "do what makes you happy." "Even if that means never helping another sick person, that people will perish?", asked the Messiah. God replied, "Do what makes you happy."
I practice very hard at doing the right thing. Trying to act ethically, morally, and spiritually correct. To behave responsibly in those situations that I am a part of. If I have satisfied those things without hurting others, then I am able to ask the question. "Am I happy?"
That was the context I sought. I found that context to be quite empowering. That no level of responsibility made it necessary to be miserable. That the people we touch are all potentially Messiahs. Perhaps you enter their lives, or they enter ours to teach us that. That people are free to find their own happiness. That reliance on others, or their reliance on you for happiness- is an illusion.
Perhaps it is that self pitying part of us that enables us to think that we must endure some crappy job, or that we must stay in a relationship which no longer makes us happy. That somehow we can fix those things when clearly, we can't. We accept what is and avoid the conflict of trying to change things. Things become "fixable" when we decide that happiness is not an option- but misery always is.
Perhaps at 24 or 34, I didn't realize that. Maybe I was too busy, or too insane. Perhaps I bought into some belief system that we must endure a certain amount of emotional pain in the workplace or in relationships. Somewhere, around 44, I read something that put it all into context.
That each of us is our own Messiah. That we are free to live our lives doing that which makes us happy. That at any time, if we ask ourselves that intuitive question "am I happy?", then we will know the answer. And if you hesitate or balk at that question, you already have your answer.
To become happy again, often means conquering fear. You can't wait for a Messiah to rescue you. And you can't let fear imprison you. And you can't let the fear of failure, or the responsibility you may leave behind, stop you. So it was- that my Messiah, who had healed thousands and grew weary of the throngs of sick and scared people that followed him, found his God and asked him. God told the Messiah, "do what makes you happy." "Even if that means never helping another sick person, that people will perish?", asked the Messiah. God replied, "Do what makes you happy."
I practice very hard at doing the right thing. Trying to act ethically, morally, and spiritually correct. To behave responsibly in those situations that I am a part of. If I have satisfied those things without hurting others, then I am able to ask the question. "Am I happy?"
That was the context I sought. I found that context to be quite empowering. That no level of responsibility made it necessary to be miserable. That the people we touch are all potentially Messiahs. Perhaps you enter their lives, or they enter ours to teach us that. That people are free to find their own happiness. That reliance on others, or their reliance on you for happiness- is an illusion.
Perhaps it is that self pitying part of us that enables us to think that we must endure some crappy job, or that we must stay in a relationship which no longer makes us happy. That somehow we can fix those things when clearly, we can't. We accept what is and avoid the conflict of trying to change things. Things become "fixable" when we decide that happiness is not an option- but misery always is.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
We Judge Others on Their Actions, We Judge Ourselves On Our Intentions
Do we judge others by their actions, and ourselves, by our intentions?
Sure. How could it possibly be any other way? We alone know our own intentions and rarely if ever, do we know the intentions of others.
We compound this mistake when we make assumptions or judgments. We compound it further, often whether we are in err or not, when we act on those assumptions and judgments. Sometimes this can set off a very nasty chain of events. Sometimes feuds. Sometimes wars.
I want to return to Plato's, "Allegory of the Cave" here. We are seeing shadows on a cave wall. We truly don't know what motivates others, do we? We simply don't have the time, all the time, to explore it. Sometimes we are dealing with people acting on unconscious fears (almost always) and it is doubtful that they actually know what motivated them. If they do, and they find it embarrassing, they might not even tell you the truthful reason.
Sometimes, if a statement or action puzzles me, I do ask. Almost always, I find that my initial assumption was indeed, wrong. As time has worn on, I find myself asking less and less. Why? I simply don't need to.
The solution is simple. We accept that people are simply living their lives. That they are making all of those unconscious mistakes that we are trying to free ourselves from. That what they say and do, has absolutely nothing to do with us. If that is too difficult, I have a default setting.
I make a positive assumption. I assume that they have a valid intention that I am unaware of. That I am simply unaware of that motivation and lacking an explanation- I give them the same break that I give myself. And I turn that saying around.
Wouldn't it be great if we could know and thus judge all others on their intentions- rather than make all of our fear driven assumptions and conclusions? This is made even better when we judge ourselves on our actions.
This simple process has allowed me to avoid conflict. In the three years that I have practiced this simple concept, I have found no need to engage in confrontation. That even in those instances when somebody makes a caustic remark or assault, I simply don't swallow the poison. I assume that they have what they believe to be a valid reason for leveling some diminishing remark. By not reacting to it, or reacting to it in a positive way, I keep the door open for some future moment. A moment which will be far less emotionally charged- a moment where we can have a far more productive exchange. It takes a little vigilance, a lot of acceptance, and the ability to interrupt your ego which may be screaming, "defend yourself!" It takes commitment.
Try it. It works.
Sure. How could it possibly be any other way? We alone know our own intentions and rarely if ever, do we know the intentions of others.
We compound this mistake when we make assumptions or judgments. We compound it further, often whether we are in err or not, when we act on those assumptions and judgments. Sometimes this can set off a very nasty chain of events. Sometimes feuds. Sometimes wars.
I want to return to Plato's, "Allegory of the Cave" here. We are seeing shadows on a cave wall. We truly don't know what motivates others, do we? We simply don't have the time, all the time, to explore it. Sometimes we are dealing with people acting on unconscious fears (almost always) and it is doubtful that they actually know what motivated them. If they do, and they find it embarrassing, they might not even tell you the truthful reason.
Sometimes, if a statement or action puzzles me, I do ask. Almost always, I find that my initial assumption was indeed, wrong. As time has worn on, I find myself asking less and less. Why? I simply don't need to.
The solution is simple. We accept that people are simply living their lives. That they are making all of those unconscious mistakes that we are trying to free ourselves from. That what they say and do, has absolutely nothing to do with us. If that is too difficult, I have a default setting.
I make a positive assumption. I assume that they have a valid intention that I am unaware of. That I am simply unaware of that motivation and lacking an explanation- I give them the same break that I give myself. And I turn that saying around.
Wouldn't it be great if we could know and thus judge all others on their intentions- rather than make all of our fear driven assumptions and conclusions? This is made even better when we judge ourselves on our actions.
This simple process has allowed me to avoid conflict. In the three years that I have practiced this simple concept, I have found no need to engage in confrontation. That even in those instances when somebody makes a caustic remark or assault, I simply don't swallow the poison. I assume that they have what they believe to be a valid reason for leveling some diminishing remark. By not reacting to it, or reacting to it in a positive way, I keep the door open for some future moment. A moment which will be far less emotionally charged- a moment where we can have a far more productive exchange. It takes a little vigilance, a lot of acceptance, and the ability to interrupt your ego which may be screaming, "defend yourself!" It takes commitment.
Try it. It works.
Friday, October 29, 2010
The Greatest Gift of All
A few years ago, I was introduced to a concept that was completely foreign to me. A concept that I had never practiced and virtually none of the people I associated with had practiced either.
We were fighters. Competitors. We had fought our way all through life. In as much as we survived, I suppose we thought it had worked. So when I was first introduced to the concept of acceptance, I made a mental note of it. That's about it. Over the past few years, I have practiced it much more rigorously. I have implemented acceptance in many areas of my life. It wasn't until this past week that I fully grasped the enormity of and most importantly, the power and strength of acceptance.
Quite honestly, I don't think I can overstate this.
Imagine being given the solution to every problem in your life. A spiritual solution with no side effects. Complete and utter acceptance of all things. Of all situations. Is that possible?
I had occasion this past week to speak with a number of people that had suffered through every calamity imaginable, deaths, deaths of loved ones, deaths of pets, marriage, and job loss. The usual vehicle failures, car wrecks, lack of money, and lesser events. The speakers could not reconcile these things. They felt guilt and shame. But the one common denominator, it was absolutely striking, was that none of these speakers had gained any level of acceptance. They were fighting, wishing things had not gone the way that they did. Still trying to control the outcome of an event that had passed.
A power greater than myself. A power greater than any of us or all of us. Life itself. There is no stopping it. You can struggle, fight, runaway, but all of those things won't change anything.
Chances are, they will make things worse. In fact, they almost always do.
As I evaluated what I had heard, I realized that there was a whole new level of acceptance I had not considered. I began to realize that any problem we have, real or imagined, is a matter of acceptance...and always a matter of acceptance. That in fact, includes the possibility of our loved ones dying and even our own deaths.
All that struggling, fighting, condemning, anger, self pity, complaining... are all manifestations of our inability to accept whatever life deals us and move on. That all of the struggling and fighting we do is really unnecessary. We glorify struggling and fighting. We attach it to victory, indeed to the human spirit. We believe fighting and struggle is necessary. Is it? Or is it just one of those faulty belief systems that we have bought into?
I think acceptance may be the key to all of life's problems. It might have always been that simple.
We were fighters. Competitors. We had fought our way all through life. In as much as we survived, I suppose we thought it had worked. So when I was first introduced to the concept of acceptance, I made a mental note of it. That's about it. Over the past few years, I have practiced it much more rigorously. I have implemented acceptance in many areas of my life. It wasn't until this past week that I fully grasped the enormity of and most importantly, the power and strength of acceptance.
Quite honestly, I don't think I can overstate this.
Imagine being given the solution to every problem in your life. A spiritual solution with no side effects. Complete and utter acceptance of all things. Of all situations. Is that possible?
I had occasion this past week to speak with a number of people that had suffered through every calamity imaginable, deaths, deaths of loved ones, deaths of pets, marriage, and job loss. The usual vehicle failures, car wrecks, lack of money, and lesser events. The speakers could not reconcile these things. They felt guilt and shame. But the one common denominator, it was absolutely striking, was that none of these speakers had gained any level of acceptance. They were fighting, wishing things had not gone the way that they did. Still trying to control the outcome of an event that had passed.
A power greater than myself. A power greater than any of us or all of us. Life itself. There is no stopping it. You can struggle, fight, runaway, but all of those things won't change anything.
Chances are, they will make things worse. In fact, they almost always do.
As I evaluated what I had heard, I realized that there was a whole new level of acceptance I had not considered. I began to realize that any problem we have, real or imagined, is a matter of acceptance...and always a matter of acceptance. That in fact, includes the possibility of our loved ones dying and even our own deaths.
All that struggling, fighting, condemning, anger, self pity, complaining... are all manifestations of our inability to accept whatever life deals us and move on. That all of the struggling and fighting we do is really unnecessary. We glorify struggling and fighting. We attach it to victory, indeed to the human spirit. We believe fighting and struggle is necessary. Is it? Or is it just one of those faulty belief systems that we have bought into?
I think acceptance may be the key to all of life's problems. It might have always been that simple.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Never...Put All of Your Emotional Eggs in Another Person's Basket
This is an excellent follow up piece to my happiness piece.
You are responsible for your own happiness. Nobody else. Never make the mistake of thinking your happiness relies or depends on someone else. For as surely as you do, you will feel the emotional pain of loss. Or negative emotions and disappointment.
Why do I say that? Can't we "trust" others?
The short answer is no. Trust is also the wrong word. Relying on people other than yourself for your happiness creates a potential victim situation for you. Failed expectations. It also creates complacency.
All of this is quite un necessary, avoidable, and insane. It is a belief system of ours, a long held one, that somehow we will meet someone and that they will deliver all of these emotional goodies. Perhaps it is remotely possible. But more likely, and my experience is, that people can't meet my insane expectations.
Therefore the problem is me. It is always me.
Do you remember one of my first blogs? Plato's cave and the illusions created on the walls? We have the same problem when we date, co-habitate, or choose to marry. The truth is, we simply don't know the fears and belief systems of the people we fall in love with. They are unconscious fears and beliefs and it is doubtful that the people who have them (all of us) even recognize them nor could we communicate them if we did. That's deep seated stuff.
I can say at 50, that in a 20 year marriage, I may have known the fears and motivations of my ex-wife perhaps to the extent of 40%. I place no better percentage than that- on the relationship that I have now-maybe slightly better. I had even far less understanding of my own emotions. Why is that?
Because it is virtually impossible to uncover them. Or to know what priority any individual places on fear, or control, or subconscious belief systems. Or what solutions they employ when confronted by negative possibilities. Some folks even kill themselves.
There is a solution. It is the same solution I have stated over and over. You simply can't take anything personally. Ever. You simply can't afford to rely on someone else for your emotional well being or happiness. And you shouldn't have to! Really. No guilt is required.
It is quite possible to enjoy your life and let others enjoy theirs. Will they lie, cheat, and steal? Of course. Will they fail to meet our crazy expectations? Of course. All of those things will happen to you...guaranteed...but the key is how will you respond? Will you get all angry and mad? Act like a lunatic and make it worse? Or will you simply accept that people are free to live their lives. All that you are required to do is to make a decision. Guilt free. You don't need to call every girlfriend that you have and build some insane consensus or lynch party. You simply decide whether or not you can accept a given behavior, talk about it and resolve it, and failing that- decide what to do for your own happiness. Make a choice.
I don't like to mention God on this blog, only because I am not a preacher nor do I tell people what to do along those lines. But, my success is heavily dependent on God. Very often, I ask.."what would God have me do?" That usually answers the question and I then do that. That message was well defined for me in "The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah." Do what makes you happy. Be impeccable as you can. Make decisions that are spiritually sound- decisions that make you happy. Just as you are responsible for your own happiness- it is not your job to furnish someone else with their happiness, either.
People fail, God never does.
Try to do the right thing even when your ego doesn't want you to. You are in charge. Not your ego, not your partner. Don't put all of your emotional beliefs in someone elses basket. Accept that people will fail. But that your happiness is not contingent on that. Loving ourselves and someone else does not involve controlling, manipulating, changing, or relying on someone else.
That's your job.
You are responsible for your own happiness. Nobody else. Never make the mistake of thinking your happiness relies or depends on someone else. For as surely as you do, you will feel the emotional pain of loss. Or negative emotions and disappointment.
Why do I say that? Can't we "trust" others?
The short answer is no. Trust is also the wrong word. Relying on people other than yourself for your happiness creates a potential victim situation for you. Failed expectations. It also creates complacency.
All of this is quite un necessary, avoidable, and insane. It is a belief system of ours, a long held one, that somehow we will meet someone and that they will deliver all of these emotional goodies. Perhaps it is remotely possible. But more likely, and my experience is, that people can't meet my insane expectations.
Therefore the problem is me. It is always me.
Do you remember one of my first blogs? Plato's cave and the illusions created on the walls? We have the same problem when we date, co-habitate, or choose to marry. The truth is, we simply don't know the fears and belief systems of the people we fall in love with. They are unconscious fears and beliefs and it is doubtful that the people who have them (all of us) even recognize them nor could we communicate them if we did. That's deep seated stuff.
I can say at 50, that in a 20 year marriage, I may have known the fears and motivations of my ex-wife perhaps to the extent of 40%. I place no better percentage than that- on the relationship that I have now-maybe slightly better. I had even far less understanding of my own emotions. Why is that?
Because it is virtually impossible to uncover them. Or to know what priority any individual places on fear, or control, or subconscious belief systems. Or what solutions they employ when confronted by negative possibilities. Some folks even kill themselves.
There is a solution. It is the same solution I have stated over and over. You simply can't take anything personally. Ever. You simply can't afford to rely on someone else for your emotional well being or happiness. And you shouldn't have to! Really. No guilt is required.
It is quite possible to enjoy your life and let others enjoy theirs. Will they lie, cheat, and steal? Of course. Will they fail to meet our crazy expectations? Of course. All of those things will happen to you...guaranteed...but the key is how will you respond? Will you get all angry and mad? Act like a lunatic and make it worse? Or will you simply accept that people are free to live their lives. All that you are required to do is to make a decision. Guilt free. You don't need to call every girlfriend that you have and build some insane consensus or lynch party. You simply decide whether or not you can accept a given behavior, talk about it and resolve it, and failing that- decide what to do for your own happiness. Make a choice.
I don't like to mention God on this blog, only because I am not a preacher nor do I tell people what to do along those lines. But, my success is heavily dependent on God. Very often, I ask.."what would God have me do?" That usually answers the question and I then do that. That message was well defined for me in "The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah." Do what makes you happy. Be impeccable as you can. Make decisions that are spiritually sound- decisions that make you happy. Just as you are responsible for your own happiness- it is not your job to furnish someone else with their happiness, either.
People fail, God never does.
Try to do the right thing even when your ego doesn't want you to. You are in charge. Not your ego, not your partner. Don't put all of your emotional beliefs in someone elses basket. Accept that people will fail. But that your happiness is not contingent on that. Loving ourselves and someone else does not involve controlling, manipulating, changing, or relying on someone else.
That's your job.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Happiness is Always...An Inside Job
Many years ago, in my second year of college, I remember the first love of my life talking about her grandmother. She said that in the old days, marriages were arranged. That people actually learned to love each other.
It was my belief back then- that this was nonsense. That from my highly evolved 21 year old brain.
A few days ago, I was talking to a gal who was whining about the guy she lives with. In addition to complaining about him, she complained about the last one. She said her "picker" was screwed up.
You get the same idea when you go to one of these dating sites. People trying to find someone in the insane idea that there is someone out there, "who will make them happy." Make no mistake about what I am about to say. Absolutely nobody, other than you, is responsible for your happiness.
In an extension of the unconscious belief system that plagues many of us, we believe that there is nothing wrong with us. I even hear people say, mostly gals, that they refuse to "settle." In other words, they want someone who they think will complete them or live up to some imagined set of standards that only they have swimming around in their heads. The people who settle they say, are the people who lack self esteem.
So what is it these people want? Money, good looks, adoration, control, great sex? Mutual interests? Good DNA? Do they want honesty, loyalty, trustworthiness? Of course. Well after they complete their secret laundry list of 40 things they think they must have, they have now eliminated virtually everyone.
What does that mean for them? Well, it means of course...that they can live alone for ever, or they will be forced to "settle." Or date 500 people in some sort of marathon event while critically judging everything they have to say and eliminating potential partners as quickly as possible. It is insanity.
Happiness is an inside job. You don't need anyone to make you happy. That's your job. When you are happy with who you are, you will no longer worry about that nonsense. When you are happy in your own skin, when you quit judging everyone critically, you no longer say things like I refuse to "settle." You don't fear relationships. You simply realize that you are a good person, and good people are tolerant and forgiving. Good people do not run around critically judging others and condemning them, driven by fear simply because someone refuses to notice your haircut. That was the big transgression that brought on my friend's rant. Apparently she forgot to add, "makes compliments and notices everything" on her laundry list. Maybe she will kick him out.
Some 29 years later, I have changed my belief system. I think it is entirely possible for an arranged marriage to work. Especially if the two people involved grasped this concept. In fact, I honestly believe I could learn to love anyone. How's that for rotation? I can say that because I am happy. My happiness no longer depends on some artificial notion or something from the exterior world. I no longer rely on anybody other than myself to do a job that was always mine to do in the first place.
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