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Sunday, January 30, 2011

My Ship Has Come In

About five days ago, last Wednesday to be precise, I found the solution to a nagging problem that I simply have not been able to over come. What I heard almost instantly resolved the last roadblock in my emotional health. It started with an unconscious belief that I carry...

It was an indoctrination to be sure. In fact, I don't know of anyone that hasn't received the same indoctrination. But what I heard last Wednesday, stopped me dead in my tracks. I was forced to instantly re-evaluate. It was a game changer. I won't soon forget it.

Somewhere, somehow, I acquired a very faulty belief. I acquired a belief system that said anytime I am feeling bad- someone else is to blame for that. You will hear that same theme repeated perhaps hundreds of times every month of your life. By virtually everyone you know. This idea that someone else is to blame anytime you feel bad. It is so common that virtually nobody stops to question it. Anytime someone is feeling bad, they will find someone, something, or God to blame. They adamantly believe that someone else is responsible for the way that they feel. Whether they verbalize it or not. Whether that is conscious or unconscious thinking does not matter. We all do it. I have not met anyone that doesn't.

I cannot remember what was said verbatim. But the following paragraph catches the essence of what was said.

"As I grow older, my experience is- that life has become harder and not easier. Family members have died and my own body is breaking down. There is nothing to blame for these things. It is life. It is no longer necessary for me to find someone or something to blame for those things, things that I have known all along would happen. If I choose to feel bad about anything, I make the choice whether to simply accept life or blame someone or some thing. I am ultimately responsible for those choices. If I choose life and if I steadfastly refuse to believe that anyone or anything other than myself is responsible for how I perceive things- my life is calm and serene. I am no longer bound by the indoctrination of the planet. It is not necessary to find something to blame. It is not always easy to examine some indoctrinated and unconscious belief system- but if you choose to and you practice rigorous honesty, I think you will find that it is your perceptions and not life, that cause all of your emotional disturbances."

He used the word all.

And there it was. I am to blame for all of my emotional disturbances, conscious or unconscious. Nobody else is to blame ever- in any situation. No exceptions. There will be people who read this who will never understand this. In fact, they might try to rationalize why this is wrong and assert some exception. That is the same tar pit I wallowed in until five days ago. The vast emotional freedom that comes when you achieve the awareness of recognizing and examining a belief system that everyone of us holds and somehow we all accepted it as true. It was never true. In fact it was the polar opposite of the actual truth. A truth that does not care whether you believe it or not.

I have had a fabulous emotional journey over the past four years. It has only been five days since I found this missing piece. So far, I have never been this emotionally calm or serene given the circumstances I find myself in. It's as though all of the heavy lifting in my life is over with. So it seems like a good place to end this blog. I want to thank all of my friends who have found this place over the past couple of years. If you ever want to bounce something off of me- please feel free to write. I'll check back every now and then...


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