The Summary and Solution

In the previous blog, I tried to articulate why virtually all human interaction is fear driven. (The exceptions are enlightened people doing loving and selfless acts for others, this does occur, far too infrequently- but I've seen it.)

Therefore all self centered acts, negative emotions, controlling behaviors, judging, unfulfilled expectations and resentments are a direct result of fear. Irrational fear.

Thus we can safely say that self will, selfish acts, are a direct result of fear. Self will, what we say and do, is just the symptom. The real problem is the imagined and irrational fear that we feel.

I know this to be intuitively true. Prima facia. It is the reason we argue over politics, religion, and relationships. We "feel" something, we then assume it to be true whether it is or not, and then we act on it. We say or do something based on our fear and perceptions. I will take this one step further. I am going to call it what it is. Insane.

To live emotionally free, we have to jettison this absurd thinking. Having done this, let me tell you how it is for me.

I am remarkably aware. I listen and watch this insanity daily. Let me tell you about a situation, a simple setting, where I was listening to three fear driven and insane conversations all at once. I was at the IHOP with a friend.

My friend is complaining about his relationship with his wife while we sit in our booth. He was upset with his wife who was upset with him. He had already began to mull the possibility of breaking up based on nothing more than his fear that she would leave him if he didn't do so first. He tried to minimize his role and actions because we fear honest disclosure. Our real actions make us look stupid to others and we don't want to look stupid. People will judge us harshly. At the same time that all of this fear, rationalization and justification was going on...

I overheard a conversation two booths away from me. A young, attractive lady was complaining about her two roommates with two men. She too, was seeking sympathy for her actions, running her roommates down. I am not sure what her ultimate goal was but I am positive it was fear driven. Perhaps she was getting kicked out or ganged up on. None of her statements admitted anything remotely connected to taking responsibility for her role in an ugly situation which she was very adamant about. In fact, one of her male friends asked her if she had spoken with her roommates. I giggled inwardly when she replied, "not yet." The implication being that she would. Had one of her male friends asked her, "why not?" How would she have answered? Would she have been angry?

At about the same time, two waitresses behind me were complaining about the cook. Apparently he was hung over and completing orders in less than record time. The waitresses were complaining that his slow cooking was angering customers. They "feared" this would result in complaints and reduced tips.

All of that fear, all of those assumptions, manifesting themselves in speech and actions. Absolutely none of it was rational.

What are rational fears? Rational fears are those that are not imagined. They do exist. They cause economic loss, injury or death. Our actions can bring about these events. Thinking before we act, knowing the possibilities, is the best remedy. Or when we do act act irrationally, we take responsibility and we suffer the consequences. We don't like that very much.

These irrational fears have never left me. I still deal with social exclusion and feelings of abandonment. The difference is- is that fear no longer goes un noticed by me. I am no longer a hostage to fear and I do not ignore fear. I deal with it rationally, consciously. And if I'd like a certain outcome and I cannot get it, I no longer harbor any ill feelings. I constantly examine what I say and do. I try to act appropriately and let people be who they are. It's not my job anymore to try and control anyone. Practicing acceptance, like the acceptance that my loved ones will die and that I will die in some unscripted dance of life and death brings me understanding and calm.

I also notice all the fear that others display in a panoramic display of controlling and negative feelings. It allows me to probe deeply with them when they are upset. At the root of it all, always, is fear. It's no wonder why we have become a neurotic society. Worried about others, unable to tell the truth even to ourselves, judging, fearing honest communication, unable to examine ourselves. We are hopelessly nuts and we make the people around us nuts and sometimes we even make our own pets' nuts.

Try to unmask all of the irrational fear that you feel. Live consciously once you do. Quit imposing all of your fear on the world around you. You'll find that your life is going to get far better than you had ever imagined. It's contagious.