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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

When Familiarity Breeds Contempt

I have a very good friend who is extremely intuitive and emotionally aware. I like to talk to him about his perceptions on life because he is very aware of the insanity of human beings.

I ran a couple of scenarios by him that had just occurred to me. In both of these scenarios, I was simply trying to live my life and be a good human being. In both these scenarios, the people that I love the most launched counter attacks. Neither of those counter attacks had their desired effect.

In one, I simply withdrew. In the other, I told my would be attacker, that it was ok-rather than fall on a sword and act like a victim and launch a new "counter counter" attack.

And so I found myself asking my intuitive friend, just why it is that the people who profess to love us the most-treat us the worst sometimes.

And once again, I heard those familiar words from my intuitive friend. It had nothing to do with you. It never does.

The people most familiar with us, take far greater emotional liberty with us. Often they transfer their emotional state onto us over the most simple and benign things. If in fact you point out that out to them, they will will entrench themselves in a defensive posture, pleading their case and further entrenching themselves in that faulty "victim" logic. People take everything personally you see, they want and thus they believe-that somehow you have victimized them. They want you to understand that. To believe as they do.

Thus you have a situation wherein one party has assumed a victim role. You are thus feeling like a victim as they launch their "how could you do that to me?" victim attack on you. For you to respond to that in some emotional continuum is insane.

Evaluate the situation honestly. If you are in fact partially to blame, make it as right as you can without diminishing others. Bestow the love you would like to receive even as they diminish you.

That is very hard to do. Sometimes the best we can do is withdraw and not cause any further damage or refuse to participate. Sometimes, we can love those even as they are transferring all of their negative emotions toward us.

Unconditional love is a commitment to love. It requires the dissolving of old victim belief systems and an understanding that people are just trying to live their lives. It is never personal, even when it is delivered by those who are most familiar with us.

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