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Sunday, May 10, 2009

Essay 8. Fear and Control

We cannot understate the role of fear and control. It is at the heart of virtually everything done on this planet. It is so prevalent that individuals will be subjected to it several times each day directly and many more times indirectly. Fear strikes at the very heart of everything we do. It is unrelenting and stifling. It becomes part of each individuals ego and they form collective egos or beliefs. They impose them on each other.

There is good news. There is a cure.

Let's return to Plato's cave for a moment. We accept that individuals are "domesticated" and taught differing beliefs by their instructors. It simply stands to reason that people would acquire differing fears which are planted and firmly rooted in them. Individuals do not make a habit of disclosing fear because they actually fear that their fears are unfounded and they will be criticized! People do not wander about proclaiming from the rooftops that "Here I am-a fearful human being!" Nor do they go out on dates and say, "sweet heart, I am absolutely afraid of abandonment and if we fall in love and then break up, I am going to stalk you and torture you for years."

Often, I gave this piece of advice. If a daughter dislikes or hates her father, "run for the hills." Why? Because I had a belief system, very often true but not infallible, that if a daughter disliked her father she would be fearful of men. Because she fears men, very often that daughter would be controlling and when you did not meet her expectations, all hell would break loose.

How often was that correct? More than I care to mention. However, that blanket rule was not infallible and sometimes wrong. The blanket application of the belief was illusory.

The point is, is that in Plato's cave, as prisoners we all learned and acquired beliefs and thus fears. They are uniquely individual and manifest themselves as things we vow to ourselves we will never repeat or disclose. We then impose them on others.

We simply cannot identify the vast array of the fears in someone else. The vast majority of people aren't even conscious enough to recognize them nor do they communicate them. They just run around trying to impose their fears and thus control on everybody around them. Refusing to submit to demands for control lands you with the consequences. Whether that's getting your ass chewed, getting fired, or landing in jail.

This occurs daily. At work, their is always someone who is fearful. Of not being smart enough. Of failing to do the right thing. Some fear an inability to scale a ladder of success. Some fear that if they do not separate themselves, distinguish themselves, they will not be promotable or they will be denied the earnings to buy that new house or BMW. Completely hostage to these fears, they make others look bad, diminish them, "hurt" them, engage in gossip, tattling, or any number of insane manifestations.

Every law and every commandment is rooted in fear and control. Think about it. I don't care whether you are talking about the death penalty, arson, drug laws, or the speed limit. The ten commandments are also rooted in fear. Whether it is lying or coveting your neighbors wife. If we fear it, we will try to control it. Our brand of control.

On a personal level, fear and control are at the heart of all of your relationships. If you or a loved one fear something, you will try to control it.

We should pause and reflect on this. Many laws and perhaps the ten commandments may be designed to protect us and provide a frame work for living good lives. Some fears have enabled us to survive. Fear has a very real and positive role in our lives. In some instances, fear is very useful.

As we recognize fears, we begin to separate useful fears from completely irrational fear. Irrational fear and thus control has lead to lynch mobs, workplace violence, and war. Some fears like walking through a bad neighborhood with warring gangs, may be well founded and useful.

The goal of this essay is simply to make you aware of all of the fear around you. Once you recognize that you are fearful and controlling-and that others are too-you can begin to analyze what is rational and what is not.

There is simply no way of understanding every human being well enough to get their list of fears. The good news is-is that we don't have to.

We recognize that people are ruled by fear. We accept some of their fears and we reject some. But we always understand them as true for those that believe them to be. Our loved ones have acquired belief systems which we respect for no other reason than we simply love them unconditionally. We agree to those terms.

Unconditional love is the cure I spoke of. In my introduction, I speak of this.

If you can dream it, you can do it. If fear kills us, unconditional love saves us. You are about to read the most profound discovery that I have ever made. It occurred only a few days ago.

It set all of my irrational fear on it's ear and the story you are about to read encapsulates fear and control, unconditional love, and it inherently proves (for me) the existence of a higher power. By all my measures, it is the greatest truth ever told.

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