The Religious Insanity of Human Beings

Imagine being born into a world where the existing teachers have learned to do things the wrong way. The collective ego.

Where hating and killing other people is acceptable. Where anybody can be a threat as long as they have raised some fear level in you-real or imagined. Where there are only a limited amount of seats in first class and everyone is fighting to get one of those seats. And if you don't get one- you learn to view those who do with jealousy and contempt, maybe even hate.

That is the planet you were born into. A planet full of people who if they are denied what they want, or denied what they think they are entitled to...learn to hate. One of the absolute finest breeding grounds for fear and contempt is religion. Many religions are based on some idiotic theory that each holds the only keys to the kingdom of God. That somehow, if you do not believe what they believe- you are denied entry. You are not one of us and therefore you are lost. You are banished, isolated. I can think of any number of religions that practice this contemptible theory. It is designed by human beings to control through the use of fear.

It has no basis in unconditional love, therefore I know it is wrong and flawed. I know it is of human design and origin. How can I say that so confidently?

Can you imagine a Creator of some sort, creating men shaped in his image, and then getting so mad at them that he kills them all in floods? Or kills them all in some biblical fiery Revelation? Hmmm...let's see. I will give you all free will and if you choose unwisely, you will spend all of eternity burning in hell. Or dwelling in the cheap seats. Away from me. Does that sound like unconditional love? Is that God? If your daughter wrecks your car, or makes a series of bad decisions, are you going to kill her?

I can't buy into that theory. But rather than reject the Creator, I reject the interpretations of a planet that is motivated to control others with fear and thus hate. That is not God's way. That is the way of a bunch of fearful human beings that have been indoctrinated by a collective ego, an ego that got it all wrong a long time ago and has been passing that garbage on as though it is fact ever since. Trying to shape God into their image. That's what fearful, controlling people do. They try to subject the exterior world to their crazy belief systems and control them and if you reject them- you are banished by that herd. Islam comes to mind.

If the Creator is not an unconditional loving, all inclusive Creator, I don't want him. I say that with the utmost confidence. Why? I don't want to practice contempt, anger, and hatred. I don't think any God worth having- would either.

Mother Theresa is an interesting gal. I have snipped this piece from her online wiki bio. What I would like you to do, is read this and pay particular attention to how her life was seen by the collective human ego. I think you will giggle as I do. In fact, at one point in her declining years- the Vatican even sent an exorcist to her. Such insanity is remarkable. But that is the collective ego of fallible human beings- each trying to control the other. This piece illustrates that nicely.

Christopher Hitchens was the only witness called by the Vatican to give evidence against Mother Teresa's beatification and canonization process,^[99] because the Vatican had abolished the traditional "devil's advocate" role, which fulfilled a similar purpose.^[100] Hitchens has argued that "her intention was not to help people," and he alleged that she lied to donors about the use of their contributions. “It was by talking to her that I discovered, and she assured me, that she wasn't working to alleviate poverty,” says Hitchens. “She was working to expand the number of Catholics. She said, ‘I'm not a social worker. I don't do it for this reason. I do it for Christ. I do it for the church.’”^[101]

In the process of examining Teresa's suitability for beatification and canonization, the Roman Curia (the Vatican) pored over a great deal of documentation of published and unpublished criticism of her life and work. Vatican officials say Hitchens's allegations have been investigated by the agency charged with such matters, the Congregation for the Causes of Saints, and they found no obstacle to Mother Teresa's beatification. Because of the attacks she has received, some Catholic writers have called her a sign of contradiction.^[102] The beatification of Mother Teresa took place on 19 October 2003, thereby bestowing on her the title "Blessed."^[103]

A second miracle is required for her to proceed to canonization.

Almost four years ago, I was given the task of finding a God of my understanding. As I mulled that over for about 6 months, I rejected all of the teachings of fear driven men. I looked for a common denominator. A universal language. There was one. It is called unconditional love. This was a conscious thought.

Unconditional love was brought here by Christ. That was the message. I might have missed that message had it not been for his statement- "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do." Christ was asking forgiveness for unconscious idiots. A bunch of fear driven human beings that were banishing him from the herd by killing him. Isolating him.

Do you see that very theme today? I sure do. Not much has changed since Christ's time. I am not going to name specific religions- but virtually all of them practice that same "believe as we do, or be banished forever theme." Fortunately, most religions, save one or two, don't believe in killing as a form of isolation or banishment.

Well, if you've made it this far, let me tell you where I am at. I am trying to practice unconditional love for all religions. That I understand that if I attack them, I isolate them. I will be practicing the very insanity that they do. There is a Creator and a purpose. I am absolutely unwilling to reject any notion of God simply because a bunch of crazy human beings missed the message and continue to practice the fears of their forefather teachers. I am in awe that for the brief time that I will be on this planet, that it took me so long to get this. Today, I reject fear and control. I am approaching that point in my life that when my time comes, that perhaps I can simply trust the current to take me where it will. That I can be free of all fear at that very moment. Maybe, I can do it. All you have to do is reject virtually all of the accepted beliefs of a world gone nuts and practice unconditional love. It is a daunting task. We will be the minority, I am sure of that.

Grieving

This week, one of my best-lifelong friends was killed in an explosion. After the initial disbelief and anger periods wore off, I became reflective.

http://thecivillibertarian.blogspot.com/2011/02/when-we-were-kings.html

When I am disturbed, there is a problem with me. The question is, is grief fear based? Is it self centered thinking? Probably. But like other negative emotions, this one wasn't as easy to strip bare. I simply couldn't label it, place it in a box, and store it. I realized that when you truly love and admire someone, that losing them- losing that availability- seems difficult. Because deep down you know that they were special. That you shared common bonds and thinking and that is very difficult to replace.

In Craig's case, we shared the struggle. Personal courage. The willingness to engage in something we believed in and suffer the consequences. That happened to us.

We didn't just share the trauma of gawd knows how many tragedies in the field. We shared a personal and emotional experience. We might have made a big mistake. In the annals of my life, that period of time we shared cost us our jobs. It took an emotional toll on us. The backlash was more severe than we would have imagined. But we took our beatings like men. In fact, neither of us ever whined about the incident or blamed each other. It simply wasn't useful.

So we never talked about that incident much. What it did do- was reshape our lives. That struggle created our bonds and cemented our loyalty to each other. It elevated our friendship beyond that of mere acquaintances and permanently bound us. That's why, even after 20 years or so, of a hit and miss friendship- I felt certain that at any future time we would simply pick up where we left off. That's how easy it was. We didn't apologize for lost time.

I realized that grieving a loss such as Craig's is necessary. That is the relativity of life. That if you are going to love somebody then you are potentially going to suffer the consequences of losing them and vice versa. Would you rather love and potentially grieve...or not love at all?

My emotional awareness and my ability to process all of this- mostly alone this week was a magnificent thing. I am fortunate that I did not have any distractions nor did I find it necessary to alter my consciousness with a bottle of booze or a few pills. I spent Wednesday through Saturday isolated. Not in a bad sense. I spent it processing my thoughts and examining my feelings- I did not have to spew it out to everyone that would listen.

I am grateful for this experience. Not that I would wish for such a terrible thing for anyone or anybody...but for recognizing that it is just life. It's nobody's fault. There is nobody to blame. That all of those good times were more significant than this terrible time. It is certainly better in my mind- to have loved and lost- than to never have loved at all.

Emotional Vampires

I've changed my mind.

It is difficult trying to keep up with two websites. I simply found it too difficult to write on both sites. At first blush, they appear to be polar opposites. Upon reflection, that is simply not true. In some intricate way, like almost all things, they are interconnected. The daily realities of life and success- are heavily dependent on our spiritual and emotional health. There would be no need for emotional health- without the harsh realities of life.

Have you ever heard the term, "emotional vampire?" This is an "M.D.'s" version of what that is. I'd like you to read her link. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/judith-orloff-md/how-to-deal-with-draining_b_807069.html

Within this blog, many times, I have warned against the dangers of assumptions. I have also warned against this idea that we are "victims" and that somehow- someone else's behavior damages us. That we can never take what others do personally. They are simply unconscious.

Within the context of this blog, I am about to tell you that every thing that the good doctor says is based on faulty beliefs- the indoctrination of the planet. The pretext of her piece, coherently written, will appeal to any myriad of wanna be victims. It addresses the symptoms and what an emotional vampire is. It assumes that you are a victim. It also assumes that somehow your emotional health is at the mercy of someone else. Does it not? More importantly, is that true?

Now what I am going to do here is fast track you to "My Ship Has Come In." http://realemotionalfreedom.blogspot.com/2011/01/my-ship-has-come-in.html

Or more specifically to this statement. " I am to blame for all of my emotional disturbances, conscious or unconscious. Nobody else is to blame ever- in any situation. No exceptions."

So who is right? Am I spiritually correct in assuming that my poor emotional health is at the mercy of someone else? That if I am feeling bad, that I am somehow a victim or hostage? That some emotional vampire is causing me stress? That it is ok to blame someone else?

View the doctors comments as you would an enabler. What she says is false. Now let me run this by you.

It is not always easy to examine some indoctrinated and unconscious belief system- but if you choose to and you practice rigorous honesty, I think you will find that it is your perceptions and not life, that cause all of your emotional disturbances."

Therefore, we are the problem. We CHOOSE how we feel- nobody else. That is great news! We can control our perceptions and our beliefs. We do not have to blame anybody. We do not have to whine, complain, or be victims. In fact, that is the responsible thing to do. When we focus on ourselves we have taken back our perception of control. Those alleged vampires no longer exist. In fact, it was the logic of folks' like this doctor- that prevent this planet from getting emotionally healthy. There is nothing new here. Blaming others is not a solution. It is part of the indoctrination of the planet. I. AM. ALWAYS. THE. PROBLEM. My ego hates it when I do this. It wants to argue. I keep my boot on it's throat.

We can't get well if we swallow the doctor's medicine. She is treating a symptom. We are after the underlying disease.

Tonight I was sitting in the movie theater, all alone. Couple after couple walked in. My whiny ass ego, the victim, whispered into my ear. Look at all those happy people. If your ex-was halfway normal- you could be like them. It's her fault, if only she was this or that. Feel sorry for yourself. But guess what? I recognized it. I put my boot on it's throat. I changed that perception. In fact, I became happy for those people. I watched the movie without a bunch of emotional garbage swirling around in my head.

Do emotional vampires exist for me? They can't. Because if I believe in them- I ignore the solution. I am responsible for my choices, my perceptions, and thus my reality. I am never a hostage unless that is my choice. And don't let these unconscious people blame you either. People have to start taking responsibility for their emotions. The only one that can do that is you.

My Ship Has Come In

About five days ago, last Wednesday to be precise, I found the solution to a nagging problem that I simply have not been able to over come. What I heard almost instantly resolved the last roadblock in my emotional health. It started with an unconscious belief that I carry...

It was an indoctrination to be sure. In fact, I don't know of anyone that hasn't received the same indoctrination. But what I heard last Wednesday, stopped me dead in my tracks. I was forced to instantly re-evaluate. It was a game changer. I won't soon forget it.

Somewhere, somehow, I acquired a very faulty belief. I acquired a belief system that said anytime I am feeling bad- someone else is to blame for that. You will hear that same theme repeated perhaps hundreds of times every month of your life. By virtually everyone you know. This idea that someone else is to blame anytime you feel bad. It is so common that virtually nobody stops to question it. Anytime someone is feeling bad, they will find someone, something, or God to blame. They adamantly believe that someone else is responsible for the way that they feel. Whether they verbalize it or not. Whether that is conscious or unconscious thinking does not matter. We all do it. I have not met anyone that doesn't.

I cannot remember what was said verbatim. But the following paragraph catches the essence of what was said.

"As I grow older, my experience is- that life has become harder and not easier. Family members have died and my own body is breaking down. There is nothing to blame for these things. It is life. It is no longer necessary for me to find someone or something to blame for those things, things that I have known all along would happen. If I choose to feel bad about anything, I make the choice whether to simply accept life or blame someone or some thing. I am ultimately responsible for those choices. If I choose life and if I steadfastly refuse to believe that anyone or anything other than myself is responsible for how I perceive things- my life is calm and serene. I am no longer bound by the indoctrination of the planet. It is not necessary to find something to blame. It is not always easy to examine some indoctrinated and unconscious belief system- but if you choose to and you practice rigorous honesty, I think you will find that it is your perceptions and not life, that cause all of your emotional disturbances."

He used the word all.

And there it was. I am to blame for all of my emotional disturbances, conscious or unconscious. Nobody else is to blame ever- in any situation. No exceptions. There will be people who read this who will never understand this. In fact, they might try to rationalize why this is wrong and assert some exception. That is the same tar pit I wallowed in until five days ago. The vast emotional freedom that comes when you achieve the awareness of recognizing and examining a belief system that everyone of us holds and somehow we all accepted it as true. It was never true. In fact it was the polar opposite of the actual truth. A truth that does not care whether you believe it or not.

I have had a fabulous emotional journey over the past four years. It has only been five days since I found this missing piece. So far, I have never been this emotionally calm or serene given the circumstances I find myself in. It's as though all of the heavy lifting in my life is over with. So it seems like a good place to end this blog. I want to thank all of my friends who have found this place over the past couple of years. If you ever want to bounce something off of me- please feel free to write. I'll check back every now and then...

Brian

To Thine Ownself Be True Part II

Any fool can try to defend his mistakes - and most fools do - but it gives one a feeling of nobility to admit one's mistakes. By fighting, you never get enough, but by yielding, you get more than you expected.
-- Lawrence G. Lovasik

I never felt nobility in admitting mistakes- feeling noble isn't the point. Identifying and accepting mistakes is about learning something and refusing to repeat it. I yield, therefore I learn. A great man once said, "stupidity is the inability to accept your mistakes and learn anything from them."

--Me

I found myself in an odd predicament. A predicament that I had never confronted before. As long as I continued to be a nice guy, the problem lingered. It was not getting better nor could it. The relationship remained status quo.

In this situation, I can honestly say that continuing to be a nice guy meant that I would keep achieving the same diminishing results. Any soft exit strategy would not resolve the problem because in effect and to the degree I don't like the label- I had become a doormat. I would have to tweak the volume knob just a bit-

Thus a few days ago, I accepted that the only exit strategy that could be effective in this situation would be a hard one. Nothing else would work.

That's not to say that I was looking forward to the ordeal. I cannot claim any high ground, I cannot say that I did it anger free. I was not looking for any win. I had identified the problem but it was not mine to fix. I had been on a long losing streak within that relationship and so one more mark in the L column would not make much difference. It didn't matter who won the daily battle, the war could get over. So it was that the end justified the means. Maybe we turned the volume up a little too much. I suppose it was more honest than just shutting my phone off and getting a new one. At the end of the day we both knew where we stood.

I learned a lot of things in that relationship. I learned tremendous patience and tolerance. I became reacquainted with loneliness and to some degree, isolation. I learned that unconditional love can work until such point that it comes in conflict with the love you should have for yourself. I learned that despite the best intentions of what people might say or do, it is their actions that speak the loudest. That power within a relationship is not always used responsibly. Or that love has some universally agreed upon definition. I also learned that sometimes we really do have insurmountable problems that can't be resolved. No amount of intellectualizing or wizardry can save things. Relationships are not about winning or losing. They are about trying hard to make them work. It is an immature mind indeed that searches for the relationship of greatest convenience. The easiest and softest one. When you are satisfied that you have done your best and failed, you should prepare yourself for acceptance.

In some tangible way, nothing changed at the end of the day. Nothing was lost that had not already been lost. Odd.

So tonight I get to practice acceptance. Tomorrow I will practice more acceptance. In a few days or weeks, it will be a chapter of my life that I have closed. I know that the only constant on this planet is change and I know that it was the best thing to do for the two of us.

I wished it could have gone better- but that in fact was what kept it going. You know it is a curious fact that the only man that might have showed us how to behave in a relationship- never had one. That is a shame because today I could have used some pointers.

At the end of the day, it is only just a day. I wish you all, every last one of you, the best possible New Year!

To Thine Ownself Be True

One of the hardest things I've had to learn was the simple act of emotional de-investment. Moving to acceptance and learning to do that with a minimum of emotional distress.

That does not mean you "un-love" somebody.

Learning how to de-invest in someone is brought about by understanding. This is a situation where you have "done your best." If you can say that you have done your best, that is all that you can do. If you have not been met half way by your relationship partner, you are fast approaching that time when withdrawal is imminent. You cannot make someone else- do "your" best.

Some people are simply incapable of having meaningful and committed relationships. They simply do not understand what that is. I understand that now. This is a good point to define contextually what a meaningful relationship is.

It is a commitment to support another human being. To love and accept them. To be available when they need you most. To involve each other intimately. To make your partner a priority. To fight for them and never against them.

I have missed this unity of two people.

If you find yourself in a situation where those things are missing, that they were never there or they have since dwindled away- this is a relationship that is drawing to a close.

As I reflect back upon my life, I see those things clearly now. I have been in committed relationships and I have been in fractured types of relationships. I thank God that I have had both because that has given me the perspective to tell one from the other.

Tonight I was grocery shopping when I spotted a couple leaning on each other and asking what they should buy this week. They actually had a conversation where each one participated in the conversation and giggled back and forth. They had two young children with them. They had a gleam in their eyes. I saw them throughout my travels in the store and behind me in the check out line. They had a commitment. You just knew this couple was tight. I could see that and I smiled. I paused just a moment before I left. I remember how that felt. I hope I can feel that way just once more.

Over the past year I've had to emotionally de-invest in a number of relationships. They were emotionally unhealthy for me. The pieces, as I define them, were simply not there any longer- if they ever were. To do your best and accept that sometimes your best is not good enough is mature. You simply cannot make someone love you when they lack the perspective of ever having a committed relationship. They don't know what that is- or are missing- and you can't help them find that.

I've had to de-invest in family situations as well. That's not to say I have withdrawn completely. I simply have to accept that people are free to live their lives. I place no expectations on their success or failures. I've seen the best and the worst outcomes. I agree to accept either. I am not the conductor and I have to trust that everyone has a purpose here. Ultimately we all make decisions based on our standing within relationships. When it is clear that you are missing most of the pieces, or you feel significantly diminished, it may be time for a tactical withdrawal. This does not require any anger, or even an explanation. You do not have to feel ashamed nor do you have to blame others. You simply have to be true to yourself.

How To Manage Extreme Self-Centeredness

We are all born with the instinct for survival. We are exposed to punishment themes. We seek the love and support of others, not harsh words and unkind acts. We seek recognition, success, and material wealth. To that end, we want what we want.

Wanting and self centered behavior are kind of joined at the hip. Most often we cannot have one without the other. In fact, those people that value material wealth or recognition above all other things tend to also be the most self centered. Over time, we might refer to them as "spoiled." That's just been my experience. It is only my opinion. It may not be true for you.

It is our job to become aware of our own selfish behavior. To at least attempt some moderation. That's the first step. Recognize and become aware of your own self serving behavior. How does it effect others?

It is also my belief that the vast majority of people who place their needs above all else do so unconsciously. They do not do this with malice or intent. They don't even have a conscious thought regarding it. Some folks become so self serving that they convince themselves and others that they are not self serving at all. I call this heightened unconsciousness.

So we accept that some self centered behavior is a fact of life. It is when that degree of self seeking behavior becomes so intolerable or so extreme that it adversely effects us. That we consistently have to avail ourselves of our own self worth and in some instances, abandon our own values to simply accommodate and tolerate the self-centeredness of those around us. When self seeking behavior becomes consistent and extreme, when it causes us to abandon our core values, then it has become a problem. How do we know when enough is enough?

This is what I have learned. In the workplace, extreme self-centeredness is the leading cause of job loss and conflict. I am convinced of that. Selfish people, people who hurt and diminish others in the workplace, are virtually unstoppable. They will go to extreme levels in an attempt to get what they want. Generally speaking, eventually that extreme level of self seeking reaches such an obvious level, that action (long over due) must be taken. Many times these people must be confronted and disciplined. Very often it ends in job or career loss, perhaps in civil or criminal action. Occasionally, the extremely self centered person can be reasoned with. I was able to get through to a couple of folks like that. I consider those among my most valued successes. If you are on a level or subordinate role with these types of co-working hostage takers, you will find yourself practicing not taking what they say or do personally, internal discipline and restraint, and acceptance. Sometimes a lot of acceptance. Sometimes we have to wait out a chaotic person like that, but more often than not, they will "fire" themselves. They just never seem to do it as quickly as most of us would like. Sometimes we must throw in the towel.

In personal relationships, this becomes a little easier. Extreme self seeking in personal relationships is also unconscious. Sometimes the people we love simply want what they want. We make concessions and allowances for them. Often they consistently display an unwillingness to make any effort, concession, or allowance for us. We find ourselves in a situation where the self seeking partner has displayed absolute indifference. They simply lack any capacity, whether conscious or unconscious, to meet us halfway. What happens next occurs- as a direct result of the capacity you have for allowing that situation to continue. Intuitively, like the work place hostage taker, many of us stay in relationships well beyond that point. When you begin to feel diminished, when you find your core values being manipulated and ignored (and perhaps you are even abandoning them) it is time to consider ending the relationship. In this instance, you will not have to wait for a boss to intervene- you can take action yourself. You may simply reject the relationship and extract yourself from it. Because you understand it is never personal, you simply look for the exit.

As a younger man, I often practiced extreme self-centeredness. I am not proud of that achievement. In fact, in some instances, it has been the source of humiliation and shame. Somewhere, somehow, I found the divine inspiration and courage it takes to recognize that part of my life. At first my ego was highly resistant. It simply didn't want to accept that I was selfish, perhaps extremely so. My ego wanted to deny and rationalize. To justify my conduct. It even sought out others who would agree and support my selfish behavior.

Today, I am still self-centered. I have not been able to eliminate selfish behavior nor do I think it is possible. But I do not practice self-centeredness in the extreme. I try to include others, often thinking about their needs ahead of my own. I am fully aware of the wanting and damage that all of that selfish and spoiled behavior in me causes. I still make mistakes, wanting selfish people to be a little less selfish and a little more willing to meet me halfway. I get frustrated at their denials and their unwillingness to work on themselves. Today, I have been able to identify those people who are willing to understand this basic concept. I am also removing myself from those situations of extreme self-centeredness which have caused me to question my worth and my values. I can't take their actions personally. I have to practice tolerance along with a great deal of acceptance. I have decisions to make and that's how I find myself managing these things.