Making Miracles Happen

For the past several years, I have been working very hard to destroy my ego as it exists. I find ego or a false sense of self (particularly at this stage of my life) quite un-necessary.

Oh...the possibilities. Miracles.

We sell this false sense of who we are- to the world. It is emotionally dishonest. It is not who we are or what we are. Often, we are still trying to escape punishment and obtain rewards. That, quite frankly, is how we live our lives. Think about that for a moment. Aren't we always trying to escape punishment? Guilt?

Can it be that simple? Sure. In fact, I'm not sure it was ever any more complicated than that. We seek success because we fear poverty, social isolation, criticism and all the things that come when we fail to achieve success. Success is the reward, poverty and social isolation is the punishment. We are all motivated by our fears. Our ego will do just about anything- to get what it thinks it needs- even if fulfilling those needs leaves a path of destruction.

I know all of this. If ego, or a false sense of self is so destructive, why then do we possess ego? There must be some reason. I have struggled with this for a few years now, desperately trying to figure out what the upside to ego is. I have not been able to find a satisfactory answer.

Ego allows us to achieve success.

Is it possible to be emotionally honest and successful by reducing existing ego to only traceable amounts? Yes, I think so.

Had I known this formula as a young man, I think I might have moved mountains. At this stage in my life- I am not sure that any of this is important to me anymore. I spent a lifetime selling a false sense of self (me) to the world. Now in my early fifties and financially secure- the juice just isn't worth the squeeze. My fears have been allayed, my needs met. I can relax. I do not feed an ego that has long been in need of a diet plan.

So here is the tribal knowledge that I am trying to transmit. Ego is wildly destructive. It causes most if not all- of the friction in our lives. Is it possible to be successful with an unconscious and out of control ego? Yes, I know this because I am proof of that. I have seen other people, egoically quite similar to me, who claw their way to the top as well. Often, they leave a wake of destruction behind them. Had I been in control of my ego, that is to say- aware of it and it's destructive nature, I think I might have been far more successful in terms of relationships with people. I think the journey would have been much easier as I sought to help others first rather than the other way around. When people know you care about them and you give them priority- miracles happen. Doors open. The people in your life will go out of their way to help you. That includes everyone from your inner circle to the outer banks.

Miracles can and do happen. Often, you just have to get out of the way.

Become The Person You Want To Be With

I got divorced in 2007. I thought my ex wife was the problem. Isn't that why we all get divorced? Isn't someone else always the problem?

Of course. Individually, we all think we are fine. In fact, really intelligent people tend to be far more smug about this than most. It's the other half of our relationships that are always causing us problems. Isn't it?

If I have heard one re-occurring relationship theme my entire life, literally thousands of times, it's that one. Now let me ask you this...

How many times have you met people that say this... "I am the problem. I cannot be a good partner to anyone because the truth is- I don't know how to do that. Would somebody please help me improve to the point that I can become the person I want to be with?"

If you have ever heard that tumble out of somebody's mouth,  please call or write me immediately. Somebody with that level of humility, awareness, and honesty has never been discovered. You'd have a better chance of finding Bigfoot.

Time and time again, I listen to people bad mouth their spouses, girlfriends, lovers in a seemingly endless dance that never ends. You can switch spouses or boyfriends- but guess what? The same thing happens. Over and over again. I know a gal who recently got married for the 6th time. She is completely unconscious.

We all want the perfect mate, don't we? So let me ask you. Are you the perfect mate?

Our false sense of selves, ego, tells us that we are fine. Sometimes that ego has the reverse effect- and tells us that we are horrible. But for many of us, everyone else seems to be the problem. And as long as we believe that false sense of self- we are trapped in the problem. It can't get better. Like my friend on husband number 6.

We can't fix others and we don't need to. As long as we view ourselves as the problem- that's a good thing. Accepting that you are not "entitled" to the perfect relationship means that you might be willing to work for one. Maybe you just aren't that special. Before the work begins, you will need three tools.

Humility, lack of ego or consciousness, and inflexible honesty. Can you imagine- the ego driven false sense of self that I once had- the one that believed I was entitled to the "best of everything" including relationships- with little or no work or improvement? Of thinking that somehow the love of my life would simply arrive and I would not only know and recognize her, but live happily ever after.

I was completely unconscious. Or stupid. Or both.

I have been faithfully working on becoming the best person I can be. It's hard work. I want to attract the very best human being that I can. Maybe even a spiritually correct one. But I can't do that by resting on my laurels and thinking that somehow I am special because my mother told me so. That I will somehow attract the person I want without returning the favor. Sometimes it takes 50 years to figure something like that out- but mostly I think people never do. That level of awareness is elusive and difficult to find.

Just take a look at those divorce rates we have. 

You must try to be the person you want to date. That's honest. That's the best marketing tool. Perhaps if we take care of that first- the other pieces will begin to fall into place.

Are Some People Simply Incapable Of Attaining Emotional Freedom?

I think so.

I am not sure why that is. Perhaps it is an ego that practices contempt prior to investigation or an ego that thinks it knows it all. Perhaps some people just enjoy being miserable, maybe even whiny. Perhaps that is the only attention they receive. These are all forms or symptoms of an unconscious mind. Maybe the problem is comprehension- perhaps making changes is very difficult for certain segments of people. It is this latter possibility that I have been focused on recently.

There are at least nine different types of intelligence. My strong suits are intra and inter personal relationships. I am a complete idiot when it comes to some other forms of intelligence. In fact, I have no real visual or spatial intelligence at all. http://skyview.vansd.org/lschmidt/Projects/The%20Nine%20Types%20of%20Intelligence.htm

I have a friend with a profound sense of spatial intelligence. However, she almost completely lacks any intra personal intelligence. To me, she appears confused and neurotic. I am beginning to realize that we are all blessed with different types of intelligence and thus, we face obstacles when trying to comprehend or assimilate an intelligence type that does not come easy or natural for us.

If a person simply cannot comprehend what steps are needed for an emotionally free life, you cannot force it upon them. They cannot grasp the concept. It's no different than when I try to be an interior decorator. I am a miserable failure. Colors and spatial intelligence are very difficult for me. I have to defer to someone that possesses that type of intelligence to achieve a better result.

These different types of intelligence are fascinating to me. I think you can be very intelligent, perhaps even a genius in specific areas, and be "less than bright" in others. Einstein immediately comes to mind. The guy could barely print his name.

I work with a number of people who I am beginning to understand have proclivities and proficiencies in areas that do not involve intra personal or self intelligence. Identifying those people takes a little time, asking the right questions, and listening. Depending on their answers, I can begin to craft a tactic that will work for them and restore a little serenity in their lives. For those with virtually no self intelligence, I keep it very simple. For those with a great deal of self intelligence, I can explore emotional causes and effects, remedies, and generally go into much greater detail.

This tailoring approach is having far greater success than flock shooting concepts at people and hoping that they understand them. I think the point I am trying to make here is that there are some very intelligent people that will never gain any measure of emotional freedom simply because they are not self intelligent. They are just not geared to understand this and continue to dwell in the subconscious and absent any critical motivation, they won't see any need for it.

In the end, I think an unconscious mind is always the greatest barrier to achieving emotional freedom. Identifying what you are trying to convey, and then identifying what your target audience is capable of comprehending, is allowing me to achieve better results.

Is There A Spiritual Solution For Every Negative Emotion?

At one time in my life, I would have thought that question was ridiculous. Of course not. I practiced contempt prior to investigation. Quite simply, I thought I knew everything. I meet lots of people like that now.

Today I realize I was wrong. Just because you don't currently know the solution to (y) doesn't mean that a solution does not exist.

One of the greatest tricks of the human brain is that it convinces us that things are permanent. That emotions are permanent, that an inability to find a solution is permanent, that death is permanent. Depressed people who commit suicide are people without an ability or who lack the capacity to understand that there is a spiritual solution to their emotional problems. Not that I think suicide is an eternal death sentence. I rejected that fear based dogma years ago.

Imagine a negative emotion. Let's use anger. Can we dis-assemble anger like a non functioning engine or a clock and look at the parts? Can we figure out how the parts came to be, how they inter-relate, and how they fit back together? Can we fix anger like a mechanic rebuilds a 350 ci engine or a watchmaker fixes a mantle clock?

Of course we can. In fact, I have a spiritual solution for every negative emotion in my life. In the case of anger, I realize it is always fear based. When I root out the cause, which in my life usually meant that someone didn't do something the way I wanted or expected, I became angry. I find that emotion to be quite rare today. I stripped anger bare years ago, I dissected and evaluated all my fears, and I rebuilt my emotional brain. I don't take things personally. Do I still get angry once in awhile? Sure, but it happens with great infrequency.

There are also situations that exist which by themselves are not negative in and of themselves but always seem to generate negative emotions. Unmet or unrealized expectations. It happens all the time.

Here is the process I use. I take nothing personally, ever. If someone says they will call and they don't- that has nothing to do with me. If I am relying on somebody for anything in my life and they fail to meet the agreed upon terms, I accept my role and responsibility for relying on the unreliable. I also accept that people are simply living their lives and that sometimes- they do not meet their obligations or expectations. That has nothing to do with me. Those situations no longer anger me or generate negative emotions because I have a spiritual solution that is applied long before some expectation goes unmet. I risk manage in advance.

Once your expectations are un met, all that is required is communication and an internal dialogue about whether you want to subject yourself to or endure the same potential outcome again. Usually I do. I don't beat myself up if I am wrong twice. There is no rule regarding that, just a cliche' here or there.

With regard to expectations, I make plans. I do my best. I do not plan the outcome. I am always satisfied with the outcome as long as I have fulfilled my agreed upon role and due diligence. I control my actions and words. I cannot control the actions and words of others therefore I feel no need to manipulate others or try to persuade them if things don't go the way I'd like them to. I agree to those terms in the workplace, in the family, at the coffee shop.

People will always fail you. That's what people do and that is ok.

Today, I have discovered a peace that I would never have thought possible. I don't allow negative emotions to get into my head nor do I allow them to expand which they have a habit of doing. I am risk managed to such a degree that only rarely and fleetingly do negative emotions pop up, perhaps a couple of times a week. In the old days, this happened multiple times- every day. Once they do pop up, negative emotions are processed and eliminated quickly without further damage to myself or others by applying spiritual principles.

I sure could have used that spiritual blueprint as a younger man, but things never got bad enough...well... until they did. Perhaps that's what it takes.

I Never Really Got Ok With Dying

In my past life, I dealt with a lot of death. Traumatic death and accidents. Homicide and suicide, chronic disease. So what I'd like to do here is embed one of my all time favorite music pieces from a beautiful story about death and loss. I think you'll like it.





Death is an odd thing. We are never really ever prepared for it- even when we think we are. The circumstances of death can leave us feeling helpless, sometimes hopeless. Nobody wants to feel that emotional pain.

I may have come to terms with my own death- which we will see. But...

I have never really gotten "ok" with the loss of others. Sometimes the loss of people leaves a void that you can never fill. Sometimes you just pray for relief. The answer of course, is in preparation and acceptance. And even though I know all of those things, I simply can't reconcile loss. I don't feel guilt as though some intervention on my behalf could have stopped it. I accept that some people will die in accidents or by their own hand. And sometimes, loss doesn't get easier with time. It gets harder.

There is some comfort in knowing that I am not unique in the world. That thousands of people struggle with loss every day. Sometimes I am able to draw strength from them. Sometimes I am not.

Sometimes I just don't want to. And I know that's wrong. There is no solution in that.

Logical Fatalism

Today I visited with a friend of mine who shares a lot of things in common with me. One of the things we share is a belief in a power greater than ourselves although both of us would be quite reluctant to call that being God. We do call that being God, I suppose, because it is easier to say when we are conversing. God we think, is just too simplistic.

Another thing we both agree on is acceptance. The only way to over come the fear of death is with faith, courage, and acceptance. With a belief, faith, and acceptance...courage seems un-neccessary.

All great men of faith have courage.

One of the things I absolutely marvel at, is the atheistic approach to life. I know a number of atheists and agnostics. Very often atheists are so convinced that there is no afterlife or hereafter that they do everything imaginable to extend their lives. Recently I read where Larry King wants his body suspended in some hope that one day they can find a cure to whatever killed him and bring him back. As soon as I read that, I immediately suspected that King was an atheist. Men of faith do not speak that way. Atheists and agnostics fear death to such an extent that their lives become some compilation of learned behaviors and safety precautions. Even retroactive precautions like suspended animation. Here is the worst part.

They believe that there is no greater power than themselves. Think about that. If you are an atheist, that has to be true does it not? You are the center of the universe. That is scary. It has to be lonely, being an atheist.

What happens when you practice faith, courage, and acceptance? You begin to see a process much larger than your own tiny and lonely existence. You begin to trust in a much larger community. You feel intuitive truth. You begin to believe in a process. It is the cycle of things. There is the planting time, the growing time, the harvest time, and the dying time. The process resets and starts anew. Over and over again and virtually everywhere- we see this. We see this in the daily and seasonal rotation of our planet. We see it in all life forms. We begin to think, maybe I'll just accept and embrace this death process when it comes. Our fears are removed. We have let go. We are going to trust in powers far greater than we are. We are going to believe that somehow a spark of life was delivered here- for some reason that we cannot comprehend. We just know everything is going to be alright. Fear is going to have to burden someone else.

I would not have been ready for this years ago. There is something to be said about consciousness and timing.

I think it was Nietsche who asked why we would fear something that we cannot feel or comprehend anyway. Did we fear being born? Though Nietsche was an atheist, I understand what he was saying even though we have divergent views of what that might entail. He is processing what makes sense to him, I tend to process and envision something a whole lot different.

I hate to call my friend and I fatalists. But we probably are. We are Aristotelian logical fatalists. We believe that we are going to die on some predetermined date. Perhaps we could intervene and change dates, but that is not particularly necessary as the outcome remains the same. Nor would we know whether we had impacted or effected any date change. The difference between our atheistic counterparts and ourselves is that we have embraced the idea of death and accepted it. Perhaps the atheists, despite all of their precautions, don't wield any more control over their deaths than we do. Perhaps what is, is already predetermined according to logical fatalism. The only difference is the level of fear attached to it.

A "Normal Life" and the Last Renaissance

Tonight I had a chance to listen to a young man speak about his life. He reminded me so much of me that it actually sent chills up my spine. The similarities are remarkable.

We had a chance to speak after the meeting. This is what he said as near as I can remember it.

We talked about a "normal" life. I asked him to define "normal." This is what he said. "I want to be peaceful and happy. I want to be involved in a relationship where both parties love themselves before they attempt to love another. I want operating instructions that work so that when I run into problems and things that baffle me in life, I can quickly resolve them without causing anyone or myself any emotional damage. I just want to be happy, like I said."

I was in a state of awe. This guy is me. I didn't say a word to him.

You see, I have a problem. I can't help anyone. Why? Because this is what I would have had to tell him.

Initially, your life must get so miserable, terrible, lonely and depressed, that it forces you to capitulate. If you cannot find that place- you will not be given the motivation to get well. Secondly, you must be unflinchingly honest with yourself, admitting every character flaw that you possess and become willing to work on and eliminate all of them. You must become willing to throw out every belief system that you have acquired. You can no longer behave like a victim or wallow in self pity. Every time you feel emotionally distraught- you are the problem and you must find the solution from within. Very often that is simply acceptance. You must unconditionally attempt to love anyone and everyone- even child sexual predators, murderers. The people you resent the most. You must let people be who they are. And perhaps most importantly...

You must become aware of your false sense of self- ego- and be willing to destroy those pieces of your ego which damage and injure others. 

These are all choices. These were the choices I made in order to become calm and peaceful. Happy. Had I done anything less, the recipe would not have worked. It is an all or nothing proposition. You cannot cling to fear. Or any negative emotions. They are processed and eliminated quickly. The hardest thing I have had to deal with is intermittent bouts of depression. I am aware of it, I process it and eliminate it, and sometimes it comes back. No wonder people people see shrinks, get prescriptions, drink and drug. They want to alter how they feel. They do not have any way of doing that- and certainly nothing as quick and effective as swallowing some Xanax or drinking some whiskey. Or whining to a shrink that nods and enables them to keep on making the same mistakes over and over again.

The problem with the quick and easy way is that it is only temporary. The underlying illness remains. Sometimes forever. Sometimes it kills you.

So how am I going to explain any of that to some guy I just met? How I am going to explain that I have found a healthy way to process all of those emotions, including depression, without sedatives? I have a very normal and happy life. Not perfect, but pretty damn close- sans a depression here or there.

The sad truth is, I can't. If someone had told me that they had- I wouldn't believe them. I'd think they were some deluded and ego driven maniac. This is what I think will happen one day.

There will be another renaissance in this country. People have quit smoking. They are eating healthier, living longer. They are exercising. The last frontier to be conquered will be the one that we are all still clinging to. The mood altering, I want to feel better now mentality, facilitated by mind and mood altering substances happily supplied by six figure doctors, shrinks, and big pharma. Sometimes drug dealers. Big business in the form of beer, wine, and alcohol makers and distributors. There will come a day when people examine the damage that these things cause and they will seek better, healthier ways of processing emotions. There will be a cultural shift and it will take all of the work I have described above. People will begin to alter their moods through positive lifestyle changes and they will begin to process emotions internally and rapidly- arriving at logical conclusions that include not taking things personally. Or not making assumptions, judgments, or conclusions until they have heard every side of the issue. No more contempt prior to investigation. Acceptance when alternatives are non existent.

I believe this conscious shift, the last emotional (and physical) health conscious renaissance will occur one day- just not any day soon. One day we may all be handing our children entirely new operating instructions and tools, teaching them how to behave responsibly and emotionally correct. No booze or drugs. Resolving issues quickly and internally- finding a happy and normal life.