Thus far we have discussed our faulty belief systems, our false sense of self or ego, and it's ability to rationalize and justify our own poor performance and inadequacies. Specifically an ego that constantly keeps an individual in denial of the very real possibility that our belief systems are flawed and that somehow anything we do, even if it is patently false, is justifiable and right given a set of circumstances that our ego demands for survival.
Acceptance is just the willingness to embrace the possibility that we have acted poorly. That is ok. However, at the point when we first realize or begin to examine this we must take action to change this. If we do not-we are doomed to repeat the same emotional mistakes over and over again, expecting different results. Einstein's definition of insanity.
Willingness and the ability to change require rigorous honesty. We cannot apply this to anyone other than ourselves. We don't need to fall on a sword, shout from the rooftops that we have acted insanely, or blame anyone. No bolt of lightening will come from the sky and incinerate us. We are simply going to accept that we have some faulty beliefs and that we are going to work on becoming better human beings and becoming emotionally free. Your ego won't like this, it will fight and resist. It will try to remain in denial. But slowly we are gaining the upper hand.
Part of acceptance is that we must accept that we cannot change anyone other than ourselves. We are going to accept that others will make mistakes, judge us, attack us, and engage in all of the same insanity that we used to engage in. We cannot control anyone other than ourselves. Other people are simply trying to live their lives based on the belief systems installed in them. What others do has nothing to do with us, ever. In fact, what others think of you is simply none of your business. For some, that is a difficult concept to understand.
So as we accept our failures, our ego gets diminished. This is a good thing. The ego can no longer perpetuate that fraud upon us that says, "we are right" or "we must control this" or "we are under attack, launch a counterattack!" because we accept that in fact, we may be wrong because of our faulty beliefs and that to engage in this one up argument diminishes our perceived adversaries and they in turn diminish us. All of that negative behavior is completely avoidable, unnecessary, and insane. We will just let others live their lives. If they attack us, we will not launch a counter attack. It is the insanity of the planet. Inwardly, we may chuckle when we watch others engage in this attack-counterattack useless and diminishing behavior. We won't laugh long because we will remember that we once participated in that negative behavior.
Acceptance that we are all fragile human beings, mistake prone, and stuck on this rock together becomes understandable. We are going to accept our flaws and work on them, the only way that is possible. With undeterred honesty and a willingness and acceptance to become better human beings.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Essay 5. Accepting Emotional Responsibility For Your Actions
Thus far, we have singled out flawed belief systems and our false sense of self or ego as the two greatest barriers to emotional freedom. We recognize them.
Think of faulty beliefs and the ego as ancient operating systems in a computer that have accumulated viruses over time and now are rendering the computer and memory capacity incapable of performing optimally like it once did. We can't see the problem but we know that one exists because of our poor emotional state. We have a virus, faulty beliefs and our ego, and we accept this. We want to eradicate those things from our hard drive and reduce the ill effects. Having determined the problem, it is time to get out the tools and go to work.
Failing to take responsibility for our actions is actually quite understandable. As children we were punished when we failed to do as we were asked or for bad behavior. We sought the rewards for good conduct and avoided punishment at all costs. We learned that we could minimize, lie, or blame others for our bad behavior and we were successful at that sometimes. We continued to evade responsibility for our behavior as we grew into adults and eventually we passed this belief system onto our children. Parents do this primarily through actions but also verbally. Responsibility avoidance thus becomes one of those flawed belief systems.
In many people it becomes so normal and acceptable that it is second nature. It becomes part of their ego.
While responsibility avoidance certainly allows people to avoid near term consequences when it is accepted or tolerated, it has much larger downstream consequences. It has a cumulative effect on the emotional health of the deceiving party. The deceiver becomes the deceived. The deceiver never gets better because the conduct goes unchecked. Deceptive conduct manifests itself as drinking, drugging, job loss, conflict, marital and family disputes, infidelity, broken friendships. As those things unwind the deceiver rationalizes and justifies his conduct further with the aid of a fear driven ego that does not want to accept the punishment for poor conduct. The ego continues to engage in whining, blaming, justifying, and bad mouthing perceived adversaries whoever they might be.
Failing to take responsibility at the behest of a fear driven ego is insane. Continuing to practice that behavior won't yield different results. There is only one solution.
We must take responsibility for everything that happens to us. If we walk into a crosswalk without looking and get hit by a bus, we take responsibility. If we feel cheated out of a promotion we accept that we could have done better and prepared better and we vow to improve. We don't blame the boss. If our wife cheats on us, we accept our role in helping to damage the relationship in such a way that it came to that. Our role is inescapable and we scrutinize and accept our actions. At every turn.
We refuse to deceive, rationalize, or justify our own failings or to behave like victims. We are going to try and accept the blame for all of our wrongs and we are going to refuse to engage in future behavior that tempts us to avoid responsibility.
We are going to quit deceiving ourselves. We will become role models for our kids and break this national pandemic of responsibility avoidance and enabling. By applying this to all of our dealings we will arm our children with the gift of accepting responsibility for their actions. We are going to feel better about ourselves and we are going to quit feeling guilty.
We are going to chip away at our bad beliefs and fragile egos that cling to the idea that this is acceptable conduct and we will not pass this bad belief system on. Accepting responsibility becomes a key ingredient in establishing emotional freedom.
Think of faulty beliefs and the ego as ancient operating systems in a computer that have accumulated viruses over time and now are rendering the computer and memory capacity incapable of performing optimally like it once did. We can't see the problem but we know that one exists because of our poor emotional state. We have a virus, faulty beliefs and our ego, and we accept this. We want to eradicate those things from our hard drive and reduce the ill effects. Having determined the problem, it is time to get out the tools and go to work.
Failing to take responsibility for our actions is actually quite understandable. As children we were punished when we failed to do as we were asked or for bad behavior. We sought the rewards for good conduct and avoided punishment at all costs. We learned that we could minimize, lie, or blame others for our bad behavior and we were successful at that sometimes. We continued to evade responsibility for our behavior as we grew into adults and eventually we passed this belief system onto our children. Parents do this primarily through actions but also verbally. Responsibility avoidance thus becomes one of those flawed belief systems.
In many people it becomes so normal and acceptable that it is second nature. It becomes part of their ego.
While responsibility avoidance certainly allows people to avoid near term consequences when it is accepted or tolerated, it has much larger downstream consequences. It has a cumulative effect on the emotional health of the deceiving party. The deceiver becomes the deceived. The deceiver never gets better because the conduct goes unchecked. Deceptive conduct manifests itself as drinking, drugging, job loss, conflict, marital and family disputes, infidelity, broken friendships. As those things unwind the deceiver rationalizes and justifies his conduct further with the aid of a fear driven ego that does not want to accept the punishment for poor conduct. The ego continues to engage in whining, blaming, justifying, and bad mouthing perceived adversaries whoever they might be.
Failing to take responsibility at the behest of a fear driven ego is insane. Continuing to practice that behavior won't yield different results. There is only one solution.
We must take responsibility for everything that happens to us. If we walk into a crosswalk without looking and get hit by a bus, we take responsibility. If we feel cheated out of a promotion we accept that we could have done better and prepared better and we vow to improve. We don't blame the boss. If our wife cheats on us, we accept our role in helping to damage the relationship in such a way that it came to that. Our role is inescapable and we scrutinize and accept our actions. At every turn.
We refuse to deceive, rationalize, or justify our own failings or to behave like victims. We are going to try and accept the blame for all of our wrongs and we are going to refuse to engage in future behavior that tempts us to avoid responsibility.
We are going to quit deceiving ourselves. We will become role models for our kids and break this national pandemic of responsibility avoidance and enabling. By applying this to all of our dealings we will arm our children with the gift of accepting responsibility for their actions. We are going to feel better about ourselves and we are going to quit feeling guilty.
We are going to chip away at our bad beliefs and fragile egos that cling to the idea that this is acceptable conduct and we will not pass this bad belief system on. Accepting responsibility becomes a key ingredient in establishing emotional freedom.
Confessions of a Recovering Ego Maniac
Well, if you've made it this far without falling asleep on your keyboard or lapsing into complete and utter confusion, let me offer up a piece of satire I wrote a few months back. I hope you will enjoy it.
I am convinced that the planet is inhabited by ego maniacs. An absolutely insane number of people running around believing that they are smarter, prettier, faster, and tougher than anyone else. They are consumed with the idea they must "succeed", whatever that is. I know because I came from that world. I am a recovering ego maniac. There are benefits.
This is how it works. Once it dawns on you that every belief system you have ever acquired is based on an opinion and that quite possibly those beliefs are flawed or wrong, the awakening starts. Little by little, whatever potentially false sense of self that you cling to gets shattered. You may be left with the possibility that you aren't the smartest, prettiest, fastest, or toughest human being and that in fact you never will be. It is possible that you are just a dumbass. When you reach this level of acceptance and humility, it no longer becomes necessary to try and prove anything. You have stripped your ego down to bare wood. Now the hardest part about accepting that you are now a tree trunk and a former ego maniac is that you are still surrounded by millions of ego maniacs in varying degrees of insanity. These people are very easy to spot and still remain hostage, clinging to their bark and that false sense of self. I will give you some examples and tips on spotting some of those types of people which will allow you to avoid conflict and enjoy life.
People that require you to address them by "title." People who habitually sign documents with a B.A., Ph.D., or some other designation on everything from stationary, notepads, or bar napkins. These folks have an inferiority complex. They are trying to prove to themselves and to the world that they are smarter or more accomplished than anyone else, that they are deserving or entitled and that they have credibility. They may mention where they went to school, without prompting, if this lends credibility to their "brainiac" image, otherwise they might not mention it. In many cases their parents told them how smart they were. Unfortunately their parents did not learn to grade on a curve that includes the six billion other people on this planet, all of whom might have told their children how smart they were. This leads to a lot of conflict even if you happen to be a genius. Avoid this trap. Get your Ph.D. and shut up about it. Or not. Act a little stupid if you are capable of that. People will like you.
The prince and the princess types. These are generally people who have to wear the very best clothes and designer labels, drive expensive foreign sports cars, and if female-take four hours to put makeup on just to walk outside and grab the paper. They absolutely fear not fitting in. This class of ego maniacs include celebrities and movie star types. Men and women completely enamored with their looks. In all likelihood, this brand of narcissism was evident in their parents and passed down. Fathers who told their daughters how beautiful they were and of course those daughters believed it. The problem here is that a billion or so other women bought into the same rhetoric from their loving fathers. Instead of starting wars and killing each other, we have beauty pageants to try and prove which daughter is the most beautiful. All of this egomania leads to a lot of conflict. Mostly among women. Avoid it. Even if you are a goddess just think of yourself as dressed in a potato sack or some ugly duckling. Act a little ugly once in awhile. People will like you and appreciate your humble nature. So will a lot of men.
The "He-Man" type, athletes, body builders, cage fighters, men with big trucks. These are men clinging to the belief that that they are stronger or tougher than anyone else. Their false sense of security is bolstered by their appearance and their willingness to intimidate you. Often they are somewhat narcissistic particularly about their bodies. Sometimes they pick fights with strangers. They come from families where fathers, brothers, and uncles told them how tough they were and that this is family tradition. They bought into this belief and think strongly that it has some useful purpose. All of that conflict causes conflict. Some of these men grow old, infirm, and die. Or get shot by scared skinny men who are easily intimidated. Avoid the potential adverse impacts. Lift a lot of weights, stay healthy, and wear baggy clothes. Tell people you are a lover, not a fighter. Chicks will dig you. Everyone else will like you.
Pretentious people. These are the most populous group. Everything they possess has to be the biggest and best. They drive the most expensive cars, they have monstrously sized homes and parties so that they can show off their castles. They live in exclusive places, often secluded or on mountain tops, they have yachts and jets. Too much is never enough. They want you to envy them. They are completely self absorbed and forever wanting more. They are constantly keeping score and telling you how bright, savvy, and sophisticated they are in that subliminal message that they continuously convey. This leads to a lot of conflict. To avoid this trap, go ahead and earn a lot of dough and live in a small house in Omaha, Nebraska like Warren Buffett. Keep your mouth shut about how bright you are and how you have managed to exploit everyone else for your own greed and ego. Leave your money to charity. People will still think you have a humongous ego, but at least you will confuse them a little bit. Maybe they will say nice things at your wake.
So what's in all this for a recovering ego maniac? A man who is potentially stupid, ugly, easily intimidated, and weak? Freedom and happiness. It's no longer important for me to be hostage to all of that insanity and a set of false beliefs that cause conflict. It's ok to just be happy without keeping score and let other people indulge in that insanity if they want. You are not required to mention any of this by the way. It causes conflict. Keep quiet, people will like you.
I am convinced that the planet is inhabited by ego maniacs. An absolutely insane number of people running around believing that they are smarter, prettier, faster, and tougher than anyone else. They are consumed with the idea they must "succeed", whatever that is. I know because I came from that world. I am a recovering ego maniac. There are benefits.
This is how it works. Once it dawns on you that every belief system you have ever acquired is based on an opinion and that quite possibly those beliefs are flawed or wrong, the awakening starts. Little by little, whatever potentially false sense of self that you cling to gets shattered. You may be left with the possibility that you aren't the smartest, prettiest, fastest, or toughest human being and that in fact you never will be. It is possible that you are just a dumbass. When you reach this level of acceptance and humility, it no longer becomes necessary to try and prove anything. You have stripped your ego down to bare wood. Now the hardest part about accepting that you are now a tree trunk and a former ego maniac is that you are still surrounded by millions of ego maniacs in varying degrees of insanity. These people are very easy to spot and still remain hostage, clinging to their bark and that false sense of self. I will give you some examples and tips on spotting some of those types of people which will allow you to avoid conflict and enjoy life.
People that require you to address them by "title." People who habitually sign documents with a B.A., Ph.D., or some other designation on everything from stationary, notepads, or bar napkins. These folks have an inferiority complex. They are trying to prove to themselves and to the world that they are smarter or more accomplished than anyone else, that they are deserving or entitled and that they have credibility. They may mention where they went to school, without prompting, if this lends credibility to their "brainiac" image, otherwise they might not mention it. In many cases their parents told them how smart they were. Unfortunately their parents did not learn to grade on a curve that includes the six billion other people on this planet, all of whom might have told their children how smart they were. This leads to a lot of conflict even if you happen to be a genius. Avoid this trap. Get your Ph.D. and shut up about it. Or not. Act a little stupid if you are capable of that. People will like you.
The prince and the princess types. These are generally people who have to wear the very best clothes and designer labels, drive expensive foreign sports cars, and if female-take four hours to put makeup on just to walk outside and grab the paper. They absolutely fear not fitting in. This class of ego maniacs include celebrities and movie star types. Men and women completely enamored with their looks. In all likelihood, this brand of narcissism was evident in their parents and passed down. Fathers who told their daughters how beautiful they were and of course those daughters believed it. The problem here is that a billion or so other women bought into the same rhetoric from their loving fathers. Instead of starting wars and killing each other, we have beauty pageants to try and prove which daughter is the most beautiful. All of this egomania leads to a lot of conflict. Mostly among women. Avoid it. Even if you are a goddess just think of yourself as dressed in a potato sack or some ugly duckling. Act a little ugly once in awhile. People will like you and appreciate your humble nature. So will a lot of men.
The "He-Man" type, athletes, body builders, cage fighters, men with big trucks. These are men clinging to the belief that that they are stronger or tougher than anyone else. Their false sense of security is bolstered by their appearance and their willingness to intimidate you. Often they are somewhat narcissistic particularly about their bodies. Sometimes they pick fights with strangers. They come from families where fathers, brothers, and uncles told them how tough they were and that this is family tradition. They bought into this belief and think strongly that it has some useful purpose. All of that conflict causes conflict. Some of these men grow old, infirm, and die. Or get shot by scared skinny men who are easily intimidated. Avoid the potential adverse impacts. Lift a lot of weights, stay healthy, and wear baggy clothes. Tell people you are a lover, not a fighter. Chicks will dig you. Everyone else will like you.
Pretentious people. These are the most populous group. Everything they possess has to be the biggest and best. They drive the most expensive cars, they have monstrously sized homes and parties so that they can show off their castles. They live in exclusive places, often secluded or on mountain tops, they have yachts and jets. Too much is never enough. They want you to envy them. They are completely self absorbed and forever wanting more. They are constantly keeping score and telling you how bright, savvy, and sophisticated they are in that subliminal message that they continuously convey. This leads to a lot of conflict. To avoid this trap, go ahead and earn a lot of dough and live in a small house in Omaha, Nebraska like Warren Buffett. Keep your mouth shut about how bright you are and how you have managed to exploit everyone else for your own greed and ego. Leave your money to charity. People will still think you have a humongous ego, but at least you will confuse them a little bit. Maybe they will say nice things at your wake.
So what's in all this for a recovering ego maniac? A man who is potentially stupid, ugly, easily intimidated, and weak? Freedom and happiness. It's no longer important for me to be hostage to all of that insanity and a set of false beliefs that cause conflict. It's ok to just be happy without keeping score and let other people indulge in that insanity if they want. You are not required to mention any of this by the way. It causes conflict. Keep quiet, people will like you.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Essay 4. Examining Our Ego
Ultimately our goal is emotional freedom. We can't achieve that until we are willing to examine our own egos and the beliefs that they are built upon. To help us recognize the ill effects of these belief systems, please consider the following example.
Gay marriage is a hot button topic. Those opposing it are adamantly opposed. They have a belief system (some of which is based in biblical beliefs) that it is unnatural for same sex couples to have sex or to be married. That is an opinion or a belief. Gays on the other hand, are attracted to same sex partners. They reject religious dogma, and adamantly cling to their beliefs as they simply want the opportunity to love someone and gain the advantages, emotional and financial, of heterosexual couples. They are adamantly opposed to dogma that says there is something wrong with them.
So why does this generate so much conflict? Each side of this debate has found a collective ego. Individually all people involved in this debate let their ego run rampant. Egos are driven by fear. Fear that says I must control the outcome-we must win. Therefore it manifests itself in each side trying to will and control the outcome. They launch attacks and counterattacks. They vote, they appeal, they sue each other. They diminish one another and in some cases they attain new levels of real hatred. Left unchecked, these beliefs result in violence and bloodshed. It is the insanity of our planet. Emotionally free people realize the insanity of the collective ego.
These beliefs and opinions are shadows on the cave wall. We simply don't understand what is making them. The beauty of this is that we recognize this and we do not have to understand it. We accept that people are free to live their lives as they choose. We understand that they are still guided by that false sense of self, that same ego that used to run our lives. Others remain hostage to an ego ruled by beliefs, fear, and control. An unrecognized ego that seeks fulfillment, an ego that must win. We realize how insane that is because we once used to engage in that ourselves. For a fortunate few, we have evolved out and away. We are not smarter or better. We have made a simple discovery and found a better way to live.
If in fact we recognize that false sense of self, that shadowy belief system that manifests itself as our ego, we have taken the first step. Unmasked, our ego gets exposed to harsh sunlight and examined. It no longer runs us. We begin to run it. We no longer feel a need to "win." We realize that everything is an opinion or belief. Our old ways are cast aside. The actualization and realization of the damage our ego has caused is undeniable. In some cases, unbelievable. But we accept that we were insane. We damaged others, caused job stress and pain, ruined relationships as our self seeking and fear guided egos trampled on others. Recognizing this insanity is beautiful. It is the first step in becoming whole again and learning to love yourself. If we can achieve this we are on the way to possessing the ingredients and the capacity to love others.
Emotionally free people walk right through this. Unmasking that false sense of self and acceptance may be fearful at first. But if you are committed to the process the results will astound you. Love is truly letting go of fear.
You will begin to realize that everything you once perceived were shadows. You will begin to realize that you simply don't know what creates those shadows in other people. You are simply going to allow other people to be who they are. You will quit trying to control others because now you know and accept that controlling others is not possible and that it simply leads to frustration and resentment. You will not feel pain, fear, or hatred. You will understand that people are just trying to live their lives, hostages to a belief system that others may never examine. You will never feel like a victim nor will you launch any counter attacks to diminish others. You will begin to love people. All people. Because you have taken the first step in extending love to others. You have found yourself and gained acceptance. You have unmasked your ego. You are going to begin to love yourself and having done that, you will have the capacity to love others. You will receive love in return. Good things will happen almost immediately.
You are never going to look at the world the same way again.
Gay marriage is a hot button topic. Those opposing it are adamantly opposed. They have a belief system (some of which is based in biblical beliefs) that it is unnatural for same sex couples to have sex or to be married. That is an opinion or a belief. Gays on the other hand, are attracted to same sex partners. They reject religious dogma, and adamantly cling to their beliefs as they simply want the opportunity to love someone and gain the advantages, emotional and financial, of heterosexual couples. They are adamantly opposed to dogma that says there is something wrong with them.
So why does this generate so much conflict? Each side of this debate has found a collective ego. Individually all people involved in this debate let their ego run rampant. Egos are driven by fear. Fear that says I must control the outcome-we must win. Therefore it manifests itself in each side trying to will and control the outcome. They launch attacks and counterattacks. They vote, they appeal, they sue each other. They diminish one another and in some cases they attain new levels of real hatred. Left unchecked, these beliefs result in violence and bloodshed. It is the insanity of our planet. Emotionally free people realize the insanity of the collective ego.
These beliefs and opinions are shadows on the cave wall. We simply don't understand what is making them. The beauty of this is that we recognize this and we do not have to understand it. We accept that people are free to live their lives as they choose. We understand that they are still guided by that false sense of self, that same ego that used to run our lives. Others remain hostage to an ego ruled by beliefs, fear, and control. An unrecognized ego that seeks fulfillment, an ego that must win. We realize how insane that is because we once used to engage in that ourselves. For a fortunate few, we have evolved out and away. We are not smarter or better. We have made a simple discovery and found a better way to live.
If in fact we recognize that false sense of self, that shadowy belief system that manifests itself as our ego, we have taken the first step. Unmasked, our ego gets exposed to harsh sunlight and examined. It no longer runs us. We begin to run it. We no longer feel a need to "win." We realize that everything is an opinion or belief. Our old ways are cast aside. The actualization and realization of the damage our ego has caused is undeniable. In some cases, unbelievable. But we accept that we were insane. We damaged others, caused job stress and pain, ruined relationships as our self seeking and fear guided egos trampled on others. Recognizing this insanity is beautiful. It is the first step in becoming whole again and learning to love yourself. If we can achieve this we are on the way to possessing the ingredients and the capacity to love others.
Emotionally free people walk right through this. Unmasking that false sense of self and acceptance may be fearful at first. But if you are committed to the process the results will astound you. Love is truly letting go of fear.
You will begin to realize that everything you once perceived were shadows. You will begin to realize that you simply don't know what creates those shadows in other people. You are simply going to allow other people to be who they are. You will quit trying to control others because now you know and accept that controlling others is not possible and that it simply leads to frustration and resentment. You will not feel pain, fear, or hatred. You will understand that people are just trying to live their lives, hostages to a belief system that others may never examine. You will never feel like a victim nor will you launch any counter attacks to diminish others. You will begin to love people. All people. Because you have taken the first step in extending love to others. You have found yourself and gained acceptance. You have unmasked your ego. You are going to begin to love yourself and having done that, you will have the capacity to love others. You will receive love in return. Good things will happen almost immediately.
You are never going to look at the world the same way again.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Essay 3. The Ego
Sigmund Freud identified the "id, ego, and superego" as the operating systems of the mind. For practical purposes, we will focus on the ego. The ego, as you will see, is the biggest shadow in Plato's cave. Unmasking the ego, recognizing that false sense of self that we all acquire is absolutely key to emotional freedom.
The ego as described here is simply a false sense of self. You acquire and build your ego as you acquire and agree to your beliefs. We accept the existence of the ego as we have acquired beliefs that contributed to the construction of that ego.
We accept one premise. Opinions, and thus beliefs, are often wrong.
Because we accept that beliefs are simply opinions, both good and bad, we recognize that beliefs are the building blocks of the ego. Thus your ego is a combination of opinions and beliefs, true and untrue, good, bad, and indifferent.
We also accept that the ego is the root cause of all that is bad on this planet as humans interact. Individually or collectively, the ego is the root cause of the insanity of the planet and our inability to treat others humanely. Once you achieve awareness of your ego, you may be humbled by how foolish you have been. It's ok. You will also begin to notice just how insane this planet, specifically, humanity has become.
As you were accepting beliefs, an ego began to emerge and form. The manifestations and combinations of that ego are infinite. But one thing is certain. You will acquire an ego. Whether you recognize it and mitigate it is completely up to you. If in fact you want to achieve real emotional freedom then recognition and mitigation are absolutely essential. Let's take a look at some of those unconscious souls.
The other day, I was perusing a very popular political blog site. The writers on this site are completely ego identified with the Republican party. They have a belief system that says, "we are right" and they work very hard to discredit the Democrat party. As they attack, various anonymous commenters launch counterattacks. They viciously attack one another, in a very personal way in an attempt to discredit and one up each other. Often their comments are so malicious, they are done to anger people and I suppose gain some amount of glee from that.
Their egos have complete control of them. These people are unconscious. Trying to gain control and influence others and in the process- diminishing them. Extracting whatever glee they get and in return feeling diminished as they suffer a counter attack.
I have a friend who is a very successful attorney. He is an excellent orator. He has an opinion on every subject and renders those opinions freely. He believes he is smarter than all adversaries and his ego works very hard at proving this in and out of the courtroom. Winning is everything to this man even if he damages others in the process. He is dominant and controlling, so much so that his wife of 30+years is simply a wallflower. She believes she is inferior and her ego lacks any sense of self esteem, undoubtedly as a result of the belief systems and ego she has acquired. Both individuals survive in this marriage as those two types of egos can tolerate one another. Both of them have expressed unhappiness to me. They are unconscious and unaware that their belief systems and ego have taken them hostage. They are unable to free themselves and achieve happiness.
I have a friend who was rejected by her mother as ugly. Told she was unattractive. Unconsciously she believed this to be true. Agreed to it as a child. She has spent a lifetime receiving botox treatments, breast implants, dating every man available. Trying to prove her mothers statements as incorrect. Other women hate her and view her as a threat and a narcissist. They simply don't know why she behaves the way that she does and they attack. Unfortunately, she has spent a lifetime trying to unconsciously undo an acquired belief she received from her mother and thus prove her wrong. Other women simply see shadows on a cave wall, never really knowing what created them. Each side imposing their beliefs, all of them unconscious.
The Middle East is a wonderful example of collective beliefs and egos run awry. Countries and religious factions declaring war and killing each other, trying to impose their belief systems and collective egos on others. Trying to gain control. The United States, unable to control those countries' and fearful, invades and kills soldiers and civilians alike. Israel threatens to nuke it's numerous enemies in a one up survival mode which is a collective ego and belief of their own. All of this is based on belief systems. Opinions. These people all BELIEVE they are right. Willing to impose those beliefs and kill people in the process. The collective insanity of the world. Make no mistake about it, killing people is always insane.
So we've taken a brief view of our insane and ego driven world. Whether it's bloggers, lawyers, women and men, or warring countries, insanity is all around you. We can't control any of that, so we're not even going to try. We are here to work on ourselves. Let's take a look at the shadow your ego casts on the wall, let's examine the only thing any of us can control. Ourselves.
The ego as described here is simply a false sense of self. You acquire and build your ego as you acquire and agree to your beliefs. We accept the existence of the ego as we have acquired beliefs that contributed to the construction of that ego.
We accept one premise. Opinions, and thus beliefs, are often wrong.
Because we accept that beliefs are simply opinions, both good and bad, we recognize that beliefs are the building blocks of the ego. Thus your ego is a combination of opinions and beliefs, true and untrue, good, bad, and indifferent.
We also accept that the ego is the root cause of all that is bad on this planet as humans interact. Individually or collectively, the ego is the root cause of the insanity of the planet and our inability to treat others humanely. Once you achieve awareness of your ego, you may be humbled by how foolish you have been. It's ok. You will also begin to notice just how insane this planet, specifically, humanity has become.
As you were accepting beliefs, an ego began to emerge and form. The manifestations and combinations of that ego are infinite. But one thing is certain. You will acquire an ego. Whether you recognize it and mitigate it is completely up to you. If in fact you want to achieve real emotional freedom then recognition and mitigation are absolutely essential. Let's take a look at some of those unconscious souls.
The other day, I was perusing a very popular political blog site. The writers on this site are completely ego identified with the Republican party. They have a belief system that says, "we are right" and they work very hard to discredit the Democrat party. As they attack, various anonymous commenters launch counterattacks. They viciously attack one another, in a very personal way in an attempt to discredit and one up each other. Often their comments are so malicious, they are done to anger people and I suppose gain some amount of glee from that.
Their egos have complete control of them. These people are unconscious. Trying to gain control and influence others and in the process- diminishing them. Extracting whatever glee they get and in return feeling diminished as they suffer a counter attack.
I have a friend who is a very successful attorney. He is an excellent orator. He has an opinion on every subject and renders those opinions freely. He believes he is smarter than all adversaries and his ego works very hard at proving this in and out of the courtroom. Winning is everything to this man even if he damages others in the process. He is dominant and controlling, so much so that his wife of 30+years is simply a wallflower. She believes she is inferior and her ego lacks any sense of self esteem, undoubtedly as a result of the belief systems and ego she has acquired. Both individuals survive in this marriage as those two types of egos can tolerate one another. Both of them have expressed unhappiness to me. They are unconscious and unaware that their belief systems and ego have taken them hostage. They are unable to free themselves and achieve happiness.
I have a friend who was rejected by her mother as ugly. Told she was unattractive. Unconsciously she believed this to be true. Agreed to it as a child. She has spent a lifetime receiving botox treatments, breast implants, dating every man available. Trying to prove her mothers statements as incorrect. Other women hate her and view her as a threat and a narcissist. They simply don't know why she behaves the way that she does and they attack. Unfortunately, she has spent a lifetime trying to unconsciously undo an acquired belief she received from her mother and thus prove her wrong. Other women simply see shadows on a cave wall, never really knowing what created them. Each side imposing their beliefs, all of them unconscious.
The Middle East is a wonderful example of collective beliefs and egos run awry. Countries and religious factions declaring war and killing each other, trying to impose their belief systems and collective egos on others. Trying to gain control. The United States, unable to control those countries' and fearful, invades and kills soldiers and civilians alike. Israel threatens to nuke it's numerous enemies in a one up survival mode which is a collective ego and belief of their own. All of this is based on belief systems. Opinions. These people all BELIEVE they are right. Willing to impose those beliefs and kill people in the process. The collective insanity of the world. Make no mistake about it, killing people is always insane.
So we've taken a brief view of our insane and ego driven world. Whether it's bloggers, lawyers, women and men, or warring countries, insanity is all around you. We can't control any of that, so we're not even going to try. We are here to work on ourselves. Let's take a look at the shadow your ego casts on the wall, let's examine the only thing any of us can control. Ourselves.
A Writer's Anger
As we discuss the impact of belief systems we are faced with two problems. The first problem is recognizing or identifying a faulty or non working belief system. If we are fortunate enough to self diagnose a bad belief, then our second problem is how to analyze it, accept it, and put it to bed. Change it from bad to good.
What I am about to describe here is an emotion and how I acquired it. I recognized that I had an anger problem which I thought I had taken care of. I mean, my false sense of self really believed that I had conquered anger. But in actuality, I had simply bottled anger up temporarily. It was always there. This then is how I diagnosed and treated myself. I will work backwards.
In the fall of 2007, I was writing a book in New Orleans. It was a spiritual book and as I approached Chapter 6, I ran into a major roadblock. I realized that I simply could not write about my childhood. It was just too negative. I had grown up in a very bitter marriage. My parents fought and argued virtually every day of my childhood. Sometimes these arguments escalated into physical fights. By all accounts, including my parents, it was a miserable existence but because of the faulty belief systems my parents had acquired-they stayed married.
As a result of this non stop arguing and fighting I became a child hostage and witness. I was powerless to stop it. Unfortunately, my parents' anger was not confined solely to their relationship and very often they would turn their attacks my way. By the time I was 13 or 14, I simply removed myself from the household at every opportunity thus reducing my exposure to that hostility. Often, I would get a dose of that hostility anyway. By the time I was 15, I began using alcohol and drugs which helped me escape my situation. I worked one or two jobs throughout high school which also helped me avoid the situation and gave me a legitimate excuse to not be present in the household. By the time I was ready to graduate from high school, my parents finally divorced. They had a very bitter divorce filled with hate and anger. In fact, some 30 years later, I'm not sure they are emotionally over it yet.
I acquired a few belief systems as a result of that situation. As a result of my parents fighting' I came to believe that I was responsible for their hatred of each other. Often they would tell me that I was was lazy, or that I was ungrateful, or that someday they hoped I had kids every bit as bad as I was. As a result I believed fighting was acceptable as a means of resolving conflict. I believed I was in fact, responsible for their hatred of each other, and that somehow I was just a bad kid. Very often, alcohol was involved in my parents' fights. I had made an assumption and acquired a belief system that left me angry and ill equipped to resolve my own conflicts.
So it was, I got into fights and argued with people. I did not apply myself in school because I BELIEVED I was no good therefore I simply didn't try to be. After all, what was the point? I drank heavily like my parents and interestingly enough, my siblings and I all failed to have children. As I grew older, my alcohol consumption increased. My relationships were fraught with the inability to resolve conflicts without fighting. And although I tried very hard not to become angry, or to simply hide it, I was in fact, a very angry person.
This is no indictment of my parents. I love them dearly. It is also not important to place blame or wallow in self pity. It is however, extremely important that you recognize your faulty beliefs, where you acquired them, to analyze them, and that you take action to accept and resolve them. For me it was very personal. Society tends to label you if you openly discuss these things. This then is what happened to me as I tried to write Chapter 6 of that book. Obviously today, I am grateful for what happened. I would not be here writing this.
Anger is always a result of fear and your inability to control situations. I was fearful and angry as a child. I was powerless to control any situation or effect a different outcome. As I grappled with that I began to understand why my own adult life had spun out of control. Ever the creative problem solver, I took action. I sought to understand. I spoke with my parents. Not seeking apologies, but simply seeking understanding. What I learned astounded me-but of course it had to be true. My parents were the products of faulty belief systems that were instilled in them. Their fears and lack of control manifested itself into anger and fighting. I was simply an unintended victim, collateral damage. They had no idea.
As a man I understand this all now. I was able to rid myself of my anger and gain acceptance. It was never personal. If in fact we can claim to be victims as children, as adults we must take the steps to undo this. At the point we recognize and understand, we can no longer be victims. We must re-learn new beliefs and gain acceptance. Your parents failings were never personal. We must forgive our parents and ourselves. As we crawl out of Plato's cave, we realize those shadows that represented our beliefs were in fact made by something that occurred long before we were born. We begin to see that the truth is not represented in whole as those images or shadows on the wall of the cave. We are about to examine the biggest shadow on the wall of that cave, that false image that manifests itself as our belief system and ego.
What I am about to describe here is an emotion and how I acquired it. I recognized that I had an anger problem which I thought I had taken care of. I mean, my false sense of self really believed that I had conquered anger. But in actuality, I had simply bottled anger up temporarily. It was always there. This then is how I diagnosed and treated myself. I will work backwards.
In the fall of 2007, I was writing a book in New Orleans. It was a spiritual book and as I approached Chapter 6, I ran into a major roadblock. I realized that I simply could not write about my childhood. It was just too negative. I had grown up in a very bitter marriage. My parents fought and argued virtually every day of my childhood. Sometimes these arguments escalated into physical fights. By all accounts, including my parents, it was a miserable existence but because of the faulty belief systems my parents had acquired-they stayed married.
As a result of this non stop arguing and fighting I became a child hostage and witness. I was powerless to stop it. Unfortunately, my parents' anger was not confined solely to their relationship and very often they would turn their attacks my way. By the time I was 13 or 14, I simply removed myself from the household at every opportunity thus reducing my exposure to that hostility. Often, I would get a dose of that hostility anyway. By the time I was 15, I began using alcohol and drugs which helped me escape my situation. I worked one or two jobs throughout high school which also helped me avoid the situation and gave me a legitimate excuse to not be present in the household. By the time I was ready to graduate from high school, my parents finally divorced. They had a very bitter divorce filled with hate and anger. In fact, some 30 years later, I'm not sure they are emotionally over it yet.
I acquired a few belief systems as a result of that situation. As a result of my parents fighting' I came to believe that I was responsible for their hatred of each other. Often they would tell me that I was was lazy, or that I was ungrateful, or that someday they hoped I had kids every bit as bad as I was. As a result I believed fighting was acceptable as a means of resolving conflict. I believed I was in fact, responsible for their hatred of each other, and that somehow I was just a bad kid. Very often, alcohol was involved in my parents' fights. I had made an assumption and acquired a belief system that left me angry and ill equipped to resolve my own conflicts.
So it was, I got into fights and argued with people. I did not apply myself in school because I BELIEVED I was no good therefore I simply didn't try to be. After all, what was the point? I drank heavily like my parents and interestingly enough, my siblings and I all failed to have children. As I grew older, my alcohol consumption increased. My relationships were fraught with the inability to resolve conflicts without fighting. And although I tried very hard not to become angry, or to simply hide it, I was in fact, a very angry person.
This is no indictment of my parents. I love them dearly. It is also not important to place blame or wallow in self pity. It is however, extremely important that you recognize your faulty beliefs, where you acquired them, to analyze them, and that you take action to accept and resolve them. For me it was very personal. Society tends to label you if you openly discuss these things. This then is what happened to me as I tried to write Chapter 6 of that book. Obviously today, I am grateful for what happened. I would not be here writing this.
Anger is always a result of fear and your inability to control situations. I was fearful and angry as a child. I was powerless to control any situation or effect a different outcome. As I grappled with that I began to understand why my own adult life had spun out of control. Ever the creative problem solver, I took action. I sought to understand. I spoke with my parents. Not seeking apologies, but simply seeking understanding. What I learned astounded me-but of course it had to be true. My parents were the products of faulty belief systems that were instilled in them. Their fears and lack of control manifested itself into anger and fighting. I was simply an unintended victim, collateral damage. They had no idea.
As a man I understand this all now. I was able to rid myself of my anger and gain acceptance. It was never personal. If in fact we can claim to be victims as children, as adults we must take the steps to undo this. At the point we recognize and understand, we can no longer be victims. We must re-learn new beliefs and gain acceptance. Your parents failings were never personal. We must forgive our parents and ourselves. As we crawl out of Plato's cave, we realize those shadows that represented our beliefs were in fact made by something that occurred long before we were born. We begin to see that the truth is not represented in whole as those images or shadows on the wall of the cave. We are about to examine the biggest shadow on the wall of that cave, that false image that manifests itself as our belief system and ego.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Essay 2. A Brief Discussion of Alcohol and Drug Use
In the first essay, we learned that we acquire belief systems which may help or hinder any given individual. If you are committed to the idea of obtaining emotional freedom, then common sense dictates that we have a discussion early on about the problems associated with alcohol and drug use as they apply to your efforts to achieve emotional freedom.
There is simply no need to lecture anyone on this topic nor do we know of anyone that enjoys receiving a lecture. In that sense, we offer a belief and a suggestion which you are under no obligation to accept as true.
Alcohol and drug use have become a widely accepted practice in the United States and indeed, in many cultures world wide. There are real and negative consequences for those that over indulge or abuse alcohol and drugs and various social and legal problems attach. Because of the very nature of alcohol and drug use and those associated stigmas, abuse may be far more prevalent than anyone actually realizes.
Having a drink or two, smoking marijuana now and then, or using prescribed drugs in the appropriate and assigned amounts may have very little adverse impact on your ability to achieve emotional freedom. For that reason, we render no judgment and we leave that to the sole discretion of the individual. We offer no opinion or guidance on what you find acceptable.
However if you are committed to the idea of emotional freedom, if you want to improve your life and relationships dramatically, you may want to take a look at your own drug and alcohol use and decide if your current consumption levels are going to give you the best chance of success. The use of alcohol and drugs, particularly in large amounts, presents barriers to achieving emotional freedom. Altering your state of consciousness, your ability to comprehend and remember conversations and events, is going to prevent you from being aware and present for those that are depending on you.
As we talk about Plato's Cave, we begin to see that alcohol and drug abuse may represent shadows. A manifestation of a bad belief system that an individual has acquired which he/she is attempting to cope with.
This then becomes the individual's responsibility to weigh and assess. We accept the possibility that someone can still absorb some of the lessons of emotional freedom and still manage to improve their lives. Ultimately, it is your call.
There is simply no need to lecture anyone on this topic nor do we know of anyone that enjoys receiving a lecture. In that sense, we offer a belief and a suggestion which you are under no obligation to accept as true.
Alcohol and drug use have become a widely accepted practice in the United States and indeed, in many cultures world wide. There are real and negative consequences for those that over indulge or abuse alcohol and drugs and various social and legal problems attach. Because of the very nature of alcohol and drug use and those associated stigmas, abuse may be far more prevalent than anyone actually realizes.
Having a drink or two, smoking marijuana now and then, or using prescribed drugs in the appropriate and assigned amounts may have very little adverse impact on your ability to achieve emotional freedom. For that reason, we render no judgment and we leave that to the sole discretion of the individual. We offer no opinion or guidance on what you find acceptable.
However if you are committed to the idea of emotional freedom, if you want to improve your life and relationships dramatically, you may want to take a look at your own drug and alcohol use and decide if your current consumption levels are going to give you the best chance of success. The use of alcohol and drugs, particularly in large amounts, presents barriers to achieving emotional freedom. Altering your state of consciousness, your ability to comprehend and remember conversations and events, is going to prevent you from being aware and present for those that are depending on you.
As we talk about Plato's Cave, we begin to see that alcohol and drug abuse may represent shadows. A manifestation of a bad belief system that an individual has acquired which he/she is attempting to cope with.
This then becomes the individual's responsibility to weigh and assess. We accept the possibility that someone can still absorb some of the lessons of emotional freedom and still manage to improve their lives. Ultimately, it is your call.
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